After 2016, the last thing we need right now are fuckboys

Fuck boys. We’ve known and loved them (debatable) and honestly I think it’s time to nip their hold over us in the bud and expose their shitty personalities for what they are.

These days, every other guy seems to turn out to be a dick. There’s a vicious cycle that happens time and time again that goes a little bit like this:

Girl meets boy. Boy expresses interest in girl. The “just texting” phase. The “is it flirty, is it friendly” stage. The magical kiss when everything is great. Some great dates and/or sex (usually just sex, let’s be real). A few weeks later they decide they don’t want anything serious and they just thought it was a casual fling (hence why they were seeing other people behind your back) and stop replying pretty much altogether. A tumultuous few months of arguments, drunk texts, and mixed emotions, and finally you emerge back into society as a beautiful single butterfly ready to belt out Rihanna like no-one else. Until the next boy comes along.

Here are some of the of the most common types of fuckboy.

The classic fuckboy

You can tell these guys from a mile off because they all look the same. The same fade haircut, the same skinny jeans and bomber jacket combo. You might meet them in a club one time and they’ll put on the same charm that they use with every girl. A week of back and forth texting and they’ve spent half the time saying how busy they are as an excuse for not texting you, and the other half using cheesy lines such as “babe come over”.

At the end of the day they have the mental age of a 14 year old who hit puberty before all their friends and so has been “the hot one” at school ever since. In the real world, they’re nothing special.

The rugby lad

They know they’re hot and they don’t need to put in much effort to pull. They’re often too concerned with going out with the lads to bother with a nice night in with you. They can actually be quite interesting for a short time, and seem interested in you, but as soon as they find another fit girl to get it on with, they seem to forget they even know you.

The “talk-the-talk” fuckboys

These guys aren’t necessarily the hottest, but their chat can win you over in seconds. They know exactly what to say in order to charm you more, telling you how lovely you look in that dress, or how great it is that you’re so interesting and easy to talk to. They will probably tell you how you’re not like other girls, and you will have deep conversations with them at 3am. Eventually though, as always, they will tell you they’re not ready for this level of emotional intimacy as soon as you share anything deeper than how your day was.

The “more than friends” fuckboy

The relationship you form with this guy starts out great. You can have a laugh and enjoy each other’s company without ever thinking there’s anything more. Then one day, he says something slightly flirty and the seeds are sown in your mind. Do I find him attractive?

Nooo of course not he’s your friend, you tell yourself. But then again…. soon you’re getting with each other on a birthday night out and you have undoubtedly transgressed the boundary between friendship and fuck-buddy. Theres no going back from here. It’s all very intense and very messy.

The one who has a girlfriend

This guy is one of the worst. However sweet and kind they may be, however attractive and sexy – these guys aren’t just going to hurt you they won’t even acknowledge they’ve done anything wrong.

They have a girlfriend and why would they ever flirt with someone else? They were just being friendly. Well that’s not what it felt like when he was grinding on you the other night at Hive…

The “no-fuss” fuckboy

As much as I hate to admit it, these are the kind of guys I have the most respect for out of all the categories. They know what they want and they don’t try and beat around the bush with you.

Yeah sometimes it can be pretty sleazy when a guy simply asks you to come over without any lead up, but if you’re both up for it and aware that it’s just sex then it can work out alright. The key thing here is communication though. As soon as one side gets mixed signals, the whole thing breaks down. We’re not aliens, you do speak the same language as us, so how about you just try talking to us, hm?

The nice guy

This is one of the kickers. You meet a guy, you have good conversation and you’re attracted to them. What’s more they even text back (hallelujah) and want to go on dates with you (double hallelujah) and don’t mind being seen in public together (wow these people exist?). It all seems to be going great until you find out that they’ve still been sleeping with other people. When you bring this up he gets defensive and insists you were just casual and he can’t understand why you’re so upset because he wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway and you should just understand that.

Is common decency and communication really that hard to find in modern dating? Apparently so, because it seems that every time a guy is even vaguely nice to us, it’s a pretty novel idea.

Fact is this year’s been rough. For everyone – even fuckboys. So how about we cut the crap and start getting on with things. One thing 2016 has taught us is that people want to hear it how it is. People want action. So let’s start being honest with each other. Tell each other what we want. That doesn’t mean we can’t still get some action.