Things I’ve legitimately heard Edinburgh students say

Edinburgh University’s reputation as a ‘finishing school for society’ has been gathering momentum over recent years. You know the stereotype – rich, privately educated, from the Home Counties, travelled around Asia on their gap years. As much as we try to deny it to our friends at home and try to tell them that Scottish people do actually come here, we know deep down it’s a tiny bit true. Case in point? These spectacular, 100 per cent real, quotes from Edinburgh students. Enjoy.

The Clueless 

This fresher has so much to learn but big points for enthusiasm:

Three Sisters is the best club in Edinburgh, I swear.

If someone said this to you, would you tell them?

Did you know Hive is free on Tuesdays?! 

Why I only go for a run once a year:

I mean, I can’t run when it’s too hot or too cold, so I can only run, like, in Summer in the UK. 

The communal dark secret:

No one actually knows how the library works.

The truth behind every PhD: 

I guess if I can’t get a job I’ll just get a PhD, but that’s just my back up.

The Gap Years

Young love:

She’d be wife material if she wasn’t so left wing.

This polite offer: 

Do you want to have some casual sex? 

And the response it got:

No sorry, I need to go home to prune my bonsai tree. 

Someone who discovered too much about themselves in South East Asia: 

Sambuca doesn’t taste the same since I’ve been back from Borneo.

If only we could go back to the convenient days of colonisation:   

You’d think with all the colonialism other countries would at least share our wall plugs, but no, I have to buy adapters every time I travel. 

Privileged? 

Unless you snort it with a £50, is it really coke?

And again: 

The scariest trip I had was at your house. Which house? 

Possible winner for most UoE statement yet?

I didn’t know how to get the stains out of suede so I just threw it out. 

The housemate nobody wants: 

What do you mean there’s nothing to eat, we’ve got quinoa? 

Student realisations

The realisation we all make come exam season: 

Booze isn’t a substance, it’s a necessity. 

This student living their best life:

I’ve had rats in my bed and I’ve shat myself. 

The paradox of British regionalism: 

The more Northern you go, the more Southern you get. 

The effects of political correctness at Uni:

In my tutorial I instantly regretted using the term ‘Native African’.

The cause of small man syndrome: 

Anything under 6ft is a friend.

The Legends

Because you know you’ll be needing a chicken club on the way back: 

Yeah man, I’ll be up to the early hours of the morning! Like, 3am! 

Because it’s such a nightmare being so tight during the day:

I just love loose nights!