Singles of the week

Roses are red, violets are fine, you be the 6 and I’ll be the 9. It’s that time of the year again – where you feel your single-ness more than ever. Fortunately, here are two lovely people who are single, and ready to mingle. Possibly with you. Who knows.

Marcus, second year, Sports Science

What’s your type?

Older ladies

Ideal Valentine’s Day date?

Sleep and cuddle but Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist in my life, I try to sleep through it.

TV crush?

Meghan Markle from Suits.

How many matches do you have on Tinder?

Let me check…. 575. No wait, 574, someone just unmatched me. Wait, got another one.

What possession could you not do without?

My tinder phone. And my duvet. I can’t just pick one, I’m very needy.

Favourite sex position?

Ask your Mum.

Biggest turn off?

I’m not fussy, I’ll take what I can get.

Would you rather have teeth for pubes or pubes for teeth?

Teeth for pubes and then I’d have an operation. You can shave your pubes so why can’t you shave your teeth off I always say.

Favourite place to eat in Edinburgh?

I’m always a slut for Dominos.

Cab Vol or Opal?

Ew. Why is Hive not an option?

Is Steven Avery guilty?

No, but Brendan Dassey is.

Emma, second year, Politics and Philosophy

What’s your type?

Hedge fund managers or international rugby players. Signet rings preferred, but not required.

Ideal Valentine’s Day date?

If it’s not a private island, I’m not going

TV crush?

The entire New Zealand rugby team.

How many matches do you have on Tinder?

I don’t use Tinder, I prefer sugardaddy.com.

What possession could you not do without?

My iPhone 6S with my 24 carat gold case.

Favourite sex position?

Missionary on a bed of money.

Biggest turn off?

Boys under 6 foot.

Would you rather have teeth for pubes or pubes for teeth?

Teeth for pubes because I like my teeth too much.

Favourite place to eat in Edinburgh?

Number One at the Balmoral.

Cab Vol or Opal?

Wherever the guy takes me

Is Steven Avery guilty?

I haven’t watched it but he probably is.

These two singles are looking for love- if you think you could be their perfect match then get in touch before they drown their troubles in Hive this Sunday evening. You can reach Marcus on Tinder, and Emma on sugardaddy.com. Or you could email [email protected] and we’ll sort you out.