Cat-astrophe for Apprentice Sophie

No one needs an excuse to watch The Apprentice – Nick’s facial expressions; Lord Sugar’s pathetic putdowns; the contestants you love to hate; the often-shit “treats” the winning team are sent on…

This. This has to be his cum face.

But this year, Edinburgh students have another reason to tune in. Contestant Sophie is one of our own graduates. And hasn’t she done well? So far, not really…

Beauty, brains, Edinburgh education…. Set for life.

Sophie’s clearly a classic Edinburgh girl.

She wears a lovely orange pashmina and practical shoes rather than protruding plastic tits and fashion-crime nude courts. She doesn’t describe herself as “a Duracell bunny” and doesn’t use respected professions as insults. (Luisa, I’m looking at you on all three counts: “Like, you’re a doctor, though.” Seriously?)

And she managed a decent amount of screen time!

Classic Edinburgh styling (minus the hard hat)

Ah.

The Apprentice only gives people screentime for two reasons – they make great TV (see:  new secret crush Alex the Eyebrows, or Luisa the Rampant Rabbit), or they’re going to fuck up spectacularly.

Sadly for Sophie, she found herself in the latter camp.

Sophie narrowly escaped a sacking from Lord Sugar

Our girl’s inability to make herself heard over the screaming TOWIE-esque hags on her team and failure to sell any lucky cats after being interrupted mid-pitch by Natalie (TOWIE Hag No. 1) saw her called back to the boardroom in episode one after being described as “not very insightful” and “a big disappointment” by Nick and Karren.

The relief is palpable

Sophie barely escaped after patronising teacher Jaz was fired for being patronising and teacher-y, and kept a much lower profile in episode two, appearing only to suggest an acai-flavoured beer. Sounds lovely.

So at least for now, Sophie – you’re not fired! Not sure how long it’ll last though…

Those eyebrows need their own Facebook group

Alex – Eyebrows as vertiginous as Snowdonia and a super-snappy dresser. Totes quotable: “Jason, be quiet, you silly shit!”

Smackable but watchable. A stint on Big Brother beckons

Luisa – She bitches, whines, flirts her way to sales, has a face that begs for a smack with a frying pan…. GREAT TV.

Not sure she quite gets the logistics of blusher application

 Uzma – Her makeup is so thickly applied, she’s a shoo-in team leader for any task involving clowns. I also want to see how many times she says “logistics” – there’s a drinking game in there somewhere.

Stud

Jason – Posh, bumbling, has a touch of the Boris Johnsons and wears fabulous pyjamas. More please.