When you think about it, Nando’s is the most distinctly average restaurant there is

Cheeky Nando’s eh guys? Quick pic for the gram. Everyone went through a phase of burning desire for this Portuguese chicken restaurant, spending Friday nights pre-cinema pushing our limits to see how spicy we could make our chicken before our throats closed up.

But seriously though, has anyone really sat back and wondered why we go there? Because let’s be totally honest, Nando’s is merely overpriced fast food masquerading as a dining experience. And that’s just one of the reasons you won’t catch me in there.

It’s just chicken, and when it comes down to it, chicken is the most average meat there is

Why then base an entire restaurant concept on it? In reality, it isn’t even the most succulent chicken around.

The selection of sides is average to poor

There isn’t a lot of variety is there, considering there is only one main ingredient? It’s chicken in different kinds of bread, with a few different spices and some pretty average sides; sweetcorn, hummus and a few others.  It’s standard cooking my mum can manage to be honest (I mean you can even buy the sauce from Sainsbury’s).

Boring, tbh

You fork out restaurant prices only to sit down and realise you have to queue at the till to order

I’m paying on average £15.20 for a meal, now that to me is pricey. Yet, I have to go up and order my food? I may as well have gone to Mcdonald’s. You can’t really sit down and relax because as soon as you’ve decided what you want, you have to go up and order. And you have to refill your own drink.

You will be surrounded by what feels like a year 7 meetup which is legitimately sponsored by Adidas and Nike

Turns out people still aren’t over the ‘cheeky Nando’s’ joke (can we even call it a joke?). In fact, chances are you’ll be sat next to some noisy adolescents shouting it as they Snapchat themselves eating a half chicken with extra hot sauce, just for the banter.

There is queuing

Even if there’s not much of queue, this is supposed to be a restaurant and this just doesn’t feel right.

The music is fast and intense and makes you eat like you’re in a competition

Not exactly the ‘relaxing and catching up with friends over a nice dinner’ vibe I was going for.

Lemon and Herb

Someone, please tell me the point of this sauce.

Barely a ‘restaurant’

The flags in your food mean everyone can make see (and make fun of) your level of spice

They are an invasion of my privacy.

You know too many people in there

‘Oh yes, I’ll pop down to Nando’s I won’t put any makeup on and I’ll go in my trackies.’  A thought that never crosses my mind because everyone you know will be there. There is no peace.

I’m really sorry Nando’s but you’re just very 2012 now 

Nando’s I may have had 4 free meals in a year because I went that much. But we’ve outgrown your Portuguese music and medium spice chicken burger with Piri Piri fries and garlic bread, with a bottomless glass of Diet Coke. RIP.