What they didn’t tell you before coming to Durham, but should have

Remember leaving sixth form thinking that better times were ahead? That University was gonna be the perfect place for you? Heck, you even thought you’d have time for hobbies next to studying. But alas, no.

Aside from alerting you to the fact that you could end up being stuck in Josephine Butler, here’s a list of other things they should have told you before coming to Durham University.

Durham isn’t Hogwarts

You fantasised about being Hermione or Harry, strolling around in a castle wearing gowns and being fed extravagant meals.

You also thought you’d be taught lots of useful things. They should have told you will never be Harry Potter, especially since you probably ended up being allocated to Trevs instead of Castle.

They should also have told you you don’t really learn anything, because your whole degree is basically made up of independent learning, and who has time to read in first year.

You won’t have multicultural friends, or sunny weather

You know those pictures they put on university flyers? Photos of the a group of friends from all parts of the world are having a cute picnic in the park (which Durham doesn’t even have), looking all happy and relaxed.

Pics of students looking as if they didn’t have summative reports and essays due, smiling in lovely sunlight. Then you get to Durham, which is neither multicultural nor sunny. Downer? Yeah.

No McDonald’s galore

With no parents around I thought I was safe to gorge on all the McFlurries I wanted. But of course ultra-hipster Durham doesn’t have McDonald’s.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be thankful that Urban Oven exists after a heavy night of reaching for the stars in Klute, but that Margherita will never be as good as a 99p Chicken Mayo.

Apparently “it’s only a bus ride away”, well guess what? In a city where everything is within walking distance, why would a bus ride be tempting whatsoever?

No style evolution

Finally no family in sight to track your spending, obviously you were looking forward to the independent student lifestyle. Plus, you may not have been allowed to spend your savings on ripped jeans or skimpy crop-tops, and now finally you can!

Sigh. Durham has no Zara, no Primark, only multiple Boots stores to keep you company. What you’re left with is a serious lack of cool socks in your wardrobe, ten thousand coffee shops, and not a single bowling alley.

You try to act as though you’re totally ok with just shopping at charity shops, but secretly you’re not ok. You’ll never be ok.

No one will visit you

They say you get free wifi in first…

“Of course I’ll visit you, we live in the same country!”. Yeah right.

London feels like a lifetime away, three whole hours on the train to get from Durham to Kings Cross is a joke when the Eurostar only takes two hours to get to Paris.

Obviously your friends will go there instead of visiting you in the middle of nowhere. Just face it, no one will ever ever come see you in Durham.

You won’t find the love of your life

Yes, cobbled streets and walks by the river are romantic. 72% of Dunelms may find their life partner here, but for the 28% who haven’t, it really isn’t the same.. There is a limit to how many times you want to walk along the river by yourself.

Being single is only great in a properly urban city, in other words the complete opposite of Durham.

But then again we do have a Castle, and pints at The Swan costs £1.20 so at least we can drink our pain away!