The horror of living through a dry spell in Durham

But you can buy a vibrator for £1 in Poundland

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Did you come to Durham thinking that it would be an endless, drunken tirade with exciting potential sex partners around every corner?

You experienced mass disappointment when you realised it wasn’t actually like that at all. You end up alone on a Wednesday night with an Urban Oven and a looming overdraft.

There is always some sexual awareness week going on

We can all agree that spreading awareness on safe sex is important. However, if you’ve gone several months untouched, sexual awareness weeks can seem like evil undertakings designed to remind you of your utterly and completely sexless existence.

On the plus side you can arrange your own sexual awareness week soon given the amount of unused condoms you have in your drawers.

There are couples EVERYWHERE.

At a certain stage those of your friends in long distance relationships are having more sex than you. The smoking area in Klute, well known for being the number one spot for passionate PDA reminds you time and time again that your lips have been lonely for too long.

Even worse, Durham seems to breed couples like nowhere else. Have you ever seen a city with so many hands glued together? No one bats an eye at the college family incest that takes place but you can’t even pull in Lloyds, never mind bed your college brother.

You have to listen to everyones latest sexual escapades over college lunch.

“Guess what happened last night!?” is usually the opening line to some mad sex story. You hear the weirdest in the dining hall, apparently threesomes are totally normal these days.

Meanwhile you sit there not even remembering how to have two-some properly. You pick at your pile of potatoes remembering there are vibrators going for £1 in our beloved Poundland and life may be a little less lonely with a quality piece of plastic. Go, love yourself.

Tinder is terrible.  

“D2F?”. “Klute?” No thanks. If there is an available, cute guy left in college every single girl is after him. Don’t put yourself through the agony of girl drama and rejection, it’s not gonna happen. Apparently level 4 at Bill Bryson is the place to go to meet someone, the toilets are said to be quite adequate venues for amorous activity..

Sorry, sad news; according to scientific studies not having sex for a long period of time can have negative effects on your health. A lengthy dry spell can also increase stress and anxiety, and it may make you more likely to catch a cold or the flue according to research.

Shagweek, free c-cards, Loveshack, perfect underwear models at the college fashion show, rahs everywhere, you can’t escape it; Durham is sexiness and shagging. And of course you have to buy new headphones for when you go to bed, to shut out the noise of the guy next door having incredibly loud sex.