Why haven’t you hired roly poly stripper Debbie Dumpling for your birthday?

She came in like a wrecking ball


Do you know the North East’s infamous stripper legend Debbie Dumpling?

She’s the 46J middle-aged exotic dancer who everyone’s booking for their sordid birthday surprise or sports social treat.

Driven by her husband and escorted by her manager, “roly poly stripper” Debbie will give you a whirlwind 15 minute, £90 performance you’ll never forget.

Her profile warns customers to prepare to be “whipped, stripped and well we better leave the rest to your imagination“.

Debbie’s becoming of a party fixture for students at Durham and Newcastle — back in November when she entertained a poor 19-year-old fresher, she only charged £85 for her show. Business must be booming.

Debbie in action

We booked her for our friend Seb’s 21st to give him the whipped cream birthday present extravaganza of his life.

Arriving early at the party, Debbie gave us a call and we went to collect her from the car where she was waiting with her husband and manager.

She seemed fairly nervous for such an experienced professional, asking us to go on ahead while she prepared herself for her grand entrance.

Fortunately, the nerves didn’t seem to last long. She told us to get the room ready and said she was going to “prepare herself” before coming in.

Birthday boy Seb, his reflexes dulled by a day of drinking after his last exam, still couldn’t hide the fear in his eyes as his fate dawned on him.

Work it

The performance began with a bang as Debbie wasted no time getting down to her smalls and getting Seb involved with a few press ups over her prostrated form.

But Debbie’s nothing if not a fair woman, and she was more than willing to return the favour with her own set of slightly less athletic press-ups.

Perfecting her technique

It wouldn’t be a proper stripper show without some boob action, and Debbie soon put our minds at rest by whipping of her bra to reveal her ample 46J chest, which Seb kindly lathered with lotion.

Clearly he was doing something right, because things quickly hotted up from here. Debbie cheekily removed her pants and showed her gratitude to her new-found friend by giving him a hard spanking and sitting on his face.

Although we couldn’t fully experience what Seb was privileged enough to enjoy, Debbie gave us a fairly good idea when she told him to “get ready for the mushy peas” and afterwards asked if he had “enjoyed his fish and chips”.

Vinegary

Seb wasn’t quite able to comment at this stage, although shortly after the event he mentioned something about a smell and went for a long shower.

Debbie also provided props in the form of whipped cream, which she sprayed suggestively onto her boobs before excitedly shoving Seb’s head between them for a good old-fashioned motorboat.

He survived.

The audience looks on

This rounded off what can only be described as an unmissable performance, although the guest who felt it necessary to leave half-way through, shell-shocked may have disagreed.

Reactions to the event were mixed, with many phrases such as “scarred” and “psychologically castrated” floating around afterwords, as others turned to drink.

But Debbie was a lovely woman and up for a laugh, and everyone agreed her visit was the highlight of the night. Seb seems to have made a full recovery.

He said: “It was soul destroying.

“I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if I hadn’t been drinking since 11.30.

“I would never do it again. But I would get her for someone else’s birthday.”

Debbie towelled off Seb and invited him for a photo, placing his hand on her chest before the camera snapped.

She thanked us for being a good audience and went on her way, riding off with her husband and manager into the night.