How to nail a girl’s night out in Cardiff

“What you wearing tonight? Are we going jeans and a nice top or proper dress and heels?”

Ah, the girls night, every lass’ favourite excuse to get dressed to the nines, take way too many selfies and get plastered on 2-4-1 cocktails. While this may be an universal occasion for every young woman out there, my fellow Cardiffians and I all know that there’s only one way to truly nail that girls night out in our magical city. That’s what this article is for; to help you nail it.

The occasion

Anything can be an excuse for a girls night. But the day will have to be a Saturday, as nights out on the weekend are reserved for the times when us girls go all out on everything, cause the drinks about three times more expensive. But it’s ok, this is girls night.

The participants

Round up all the girls, the more the merrier, as long as they’re not a fucking liability or will end up crying about their ex all night. No ones gives a shit about your broken down relationship, Sarah. Let us enjoy our Strawberry Daiquiris in peace.

The look

You’re going out out so obviously the Eyelure lashes are going to be dusted off from where they’ve been hiding for the past few weeks. Get your plunge lace bodies, black chokers and leather skirts out, and don’t forget the lace up heels. Ofc you will have spray tanned, done a proper shave, had the brows done and painted the toenails for this. Matching bra and thong on if you feel like you’re getting lucky.

Transport

A seven seater taxi, what else? Maybe an Uber if you’re feeling fancy. The gals won’t be seen dead walking shuffling down Cathays Terrace in the new Public Desire heels they just got in the post especially for tonight – you can barely walk to the front door in them never mind all the way to town. It’ll be fine later, the alcohol will numb the pain and you can blame the weird walk on “how drunk you are”.

Cocktails round one – Steinbeck & Shaw

Steinbeck and Shaw is your first stop. With 50 per cent off all drinks before 10, you’d be stupid to miss it. The cocktails in themselves are works of art, so you can start your night off right. With the 50 per cent discount, a giant sharer bucket is only £7.50-10.00 depending on which one you get, so definitely invest in one of these. You might peak early but god dammit it’s worth it. The also serve food until 10, so if you’ve forgotten to line your stomach you can tuck into their insanely good triple cooked fries.  Also the toilets have the best selfie lighting ever and lush full length mirrors.

Cocktails round two – Turtle Bay

Ask any girl what they think of Turtle Bay, they love it. If you don’t come here for the 2-4-1 cocktails after 10 (see – works perfect after the first destination) then you’ve failed at girls night. For those of you who haven’t been to the Caribbean-style bar before, get ready to be chatted up on multiple occasions by some random guys on a stag do, probably from Bournemouth.  You’re guaranteed to take many many pics for Instagram, those neon signs and fairy lights make a beautiful background. By this point probs a tactical chunder. Start as you mean to go on and all that.

The sesh begins

By now I’d imagine the ladies are all pretty shifaced on a combinations of mojitos and daiquiris. Now the trek down St Mary’s street begins, then a swift left turn up Mill Lane. Mill Lane is a sure winner. Peppermint, Mocka Lounge, Soda and 10 Mill Lane, you can’t go wrong.

The sesh continues

So you’ll all scan Mill Lane, see where’s busy. Maybe a drink in Peppermint, realise how cramped it is, repeat the procedure in Mocka, and then you’ll probably just end up in Soda. They have a pretty cool roof terrace, this is where you’ll spend most of your time “socialising”. What I mean by socialising is asking groups of fit lads about the meaning behind their tattoos in a bid to pull, or just generally pissing people off asking for a spare fag, oh and a lighter too please. You’ll end up paying much more than you expected for a double vodka, complaining about it, but then trying not to seem too pissed off because the bartenders are actually quite fit in their ‘tux style uniforms’.

The sesh comes to an end

If the night hasn’t ended up too ratchet and every woman is still standing, 10 Mill Lane is the place to end this crawl. Open until 6am the cheeky bartenders will make you some sexy cocktails.

..but not before food

Since Chippy Lane is right behind Mill Lane, it would be rude not to pop into Dorothy’s to get some chips and curry sauce, getting asked if you’ve got any spare change in the process. At this point you’re so bladdered you hand the homeless all the money you’ve got and proceed to listen to their life story. You’ll feel a bit shit about being skint for a while but then you’ll realise they needed it more than you did.

Then as you’re all finally rounded up and ready to get in a taxi home, some whiney bitch will complain that “they didn’t want chips, they wanted a double cheeseburger from McDonalds” and will make the whole squad trek all the way back up St Mary’s street for her burger. Fuck sakes, there’s always one isn’t there.