Clubbers of the Week

Christmas may be well and truly over, but here at the Tab we’ve been working tirelessly to bring you our own list of the naughty and the nice.

Thanks to the modern miracle that is club photography, we know if you’ve been bad or good and have no scruples at all in presenting you with the journalistic equivalent of a lump of coal.

Stunners of the Week:

Let’s start on a positive note and appreciate the coordination of these squad leaders:

When the Werther’s Originals start to hit.

Lads of the Week:

With their puppy-dog eyes, f-u-n-k-y hand gestures, and more fringe than a shag pile carpet, these boys are practically begging to be on an album cover. It is our duty as a species never to let that happen.

Wrong Direction.

Runner Up

Given the position of this #massivelad’s finger, “***king all day” = “picking all day”.

Facial Hair of the Week:

Because it’s much more impressive proof of age than your shitty provisional licence.

Thor, God of the VKings.

Runner Up

A rare colourised photo shows Charles Dickens celebrating the publication of ‘Oliver Twist’.

Cringe of the Week:

Seven days, four clubs, absolutely unlimited cringe. Much like Tripos exams, club photos have the ability to catch you at your worst and then immortalise the moment in all its disastrous glory. Unlike Tripos exams, we love them for it.

Subtlety is an art that’s hard to master.

Tfw you inhale someone’s armpit in Life.

Guy on the far left looking like he’s just dropped the hottest mixtape of 19/01/17, circa 10.30pm.

When you get with a randomer in the club and need to check your ex is watching.

Cheeky.

Creeps of the Week:

Cambridge clubbing may be a haven of Hakuna Matata, but it still has more than its fair share of creeps…

If eyes could ever say “help me”…

The Tab would like to offer their sincerest condolences to this girl.

Duh-duh… Duh-duh… Duh-duh Duh-duh Duh-duh DUH-DUH

Heeeere’s Creepy!

Alien Abduction of the Week:

Given the state of the earth at the end of 2016, we’d probably none of us say no to a little relocation.

The chosen one.

And finally, Clubbers of the Week goes to:

#symbolism

Never has the life of a Cantab been embodied so well: we may keep smiling bravely, but all the while we’re buckling beneath the weight of undesirable deadlines that tell us to go fuck ourselves whenever we start having fun and can never be quite shaken off.

Here’s to another week of drunken gurning and awkward on-camera kisses. Could you be featured next Monday?