The RISKIEST places to have sex in Cambridge

Who doesn’t love a bit of R Kelly’s Bump n’ Grind? I certainly don’t see nothing wrong with it.

Unbutton your breeches and hoist up your stockings, as I tempt you with the riskiest places in Cambridge for you to bump uglies.

The UL

I’ll start you off with an easy one. The many nooks and crannies of this building make it pretty much a safe bet. And boys, don’t be too intimidated as you walk in under the shadow of phallic oppression.

Size doesn’t need to matter.

In a supervision

Say you were uncontrollably moved by the poetry. Claim you had to demonstrate your point about anatomy. Call it interpretative dance. Feel the tension with your supervisor as they run their pen across your essay.

As you think about running your fingers up something else.

You can avoid the eye contact all you like, it’s happening

The Horse in Jesus

This one’s for the more athletic adventurers out there, as this is kind of a 2-in-1-straddling situation. Once you get going, this bad boy can really take you for a ride.

It’s daring you

King’s College Chapel

Yeh yeh the grandeur etc. etc. Let’s just hope your partner’s orgasm isn’t a falsetto.

Try your hand at a different type of organ

Sainsbury’s Self Checkout

It’s time to take your relationship with the self service machine to the next level. Maybe on your next trip, the fruit of your loins can be the unexpected item in the bagging area.

Would you like me to swipe my nectar card?

Life/Cindies – with any BNOC

You’ve got to take risks to make it to the top (or bottom). Getting raunchy and randy with the biggest personalities of Cambridge could be your dirty claim to fame. The constant circle jerk will have you shooting for the stars.

The D floor amirite?

CUSU

Taking your student representative body to the next level. Beware, though, you might want to make a Content Warning before whipping it out.

Oh

The Lime Tree sexual health clinic

Now this could really spice up the fun if you’re serious about taking a different kind of risk…

Really push the boat out with these garish numbers

Mathematical Bridge

There’s probably a joke to made about sinking, plunging, getting wet here. Nonetheless, you may as well get in there when you can.

How deep is it sinking tho?

Orgasm Bridge

With a nickname this clichéd you’d be stupid not to.

Because sex can be scenic

The Bridge of Sighs

To round off the bridge representation, why not take your special someone to this illustrious bridge found at the heart of John’s, and give the college more than just its reputation to sigh about. Make them sigh with pleasure (or relief that it’s over).

Much pretty, very sex

To the less adventurous of you, I suggest you avoid the above places in the early hours of the morning.

You’re welcome.