The Cambridge Dating Drought

So, all this RAG Blind Date business has made me realise 2 things.

1: Cambridge is full of people looking for love.

2: Dating is fun.

Why then, have I never been asked out on a proper date since beginning at Cambridge? I don’t have a third limb or Tourettes if that’s what you are wondering. Simply, for some unknown reason, Cantabs don’t do dating. Typically, you go to Cindies, get drunk, hook up with someone, awkwardly part the next morning, awkwardly say hi the next time you’re both in Cindies and then try to get with someone else to look good. Great. Productive.

I took the plunge and signed up for the hit-or-miss tradition of RAG Blind Date. Heading to a packed bar with my date, I immediately knew I was not interested in him romantically. A good-looking guy – but I have a slight height complex. He did not reach my minimum 6ft benchmark.

This did not, however, stop me having a great time. Conversation flowed, as did the drinks, and I, being quite bold, asked him if he could tell whether I was at all interested in him. Apparently, I had already made my opinion quite clear (oops!), but that didn’t bother him as he felt the same way. We then had a very amusing and open conversation about dating in Cambridge. Having experienced the “real world” before starting as a grad this year, he too had noted that the dating scene in Cambridge is virtually non-existent. He, however, is using this to his own advantage, standing out from the crowd of Cambridge LADiators. As most girls here would tell you, they would be thrilled to be formally asked out for just a casual coffee or drink – something fun but chilled. No-one wants to be caught up in a blizzard of red roses, thank you very much. Things like that happen in movies and should carry the warning: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

What Would Hugh Do? isn’t necessarily the best dating mantra.

So what is the cause of this dating drought in Cambridge? One distinguishing factor is the uncomfortably close social circles. There seems nothing more humiliating than X, Y, or Z temporarily judging you. I put this neuroticism down to both guys and girls. Boys, being too immature, do not want to tarnish their so-called egos by admitting they may have ‘feelings’. Saying “I took her for a cappuccino in Caffé Nero” clearly does not get you as many lad points in the changing room as, ‘Mate, you know that fit bird I was schweffing on, well I came on her tits last night, then banged her mate’ (…sound familiar?).  But boys, listen up: dating will significantly increase your chances of banging her MULTIPLE times on MORE than one occasion as she may actually like/ trust you.

What happens in Cindies, STAYS in Cindies.

Girls – you have a part to play too. Asking someone out takes a lot of courage, so you have to make it easier for the boys. Admit it gals, any guy you don’t think you are interested in, you shoot ‘em down. Oh, and then go and tell all your mates the guy is a creep. Nat cooooool.

Ideally, I am all for girls being able to approach the guy and, furthermore, I’m sure this is a view which some guys would support. Due to personal experience, however, I find that guys often read this as being desperate, subconsciously and instantaneously making the assumption that the girl wants to date/ marry/ reproduce with them. On my part, this is definitely NOT the case. How do I know if I like a guy if I haven’t actually talked to him? Yes – that means a sensible conversation, sober. On the LGBT side, I have somewhat limited experience but here are my general rules, which should be applied by either sex and on either end of the dating proposition.

1. Do not be afraid of asking/ being asked: A date is NOT a big deal. It is just a bit of social interaction, a good old chat, to see if two personalities gel. At least you will remember this conversation, probably unlike the one where you agreed to the date.
2. Saying NO:  If there is a possibility you’ll enjoy it – say yes. You might want time to think about it with a *clearer* and probably more open mind. Say “text me tomorrow and I’ll let you know when I’m free” and then FOLLOW THROUGH. If you really have no interest, just say no. Don’t make excuses, that is much worse. “Erm…sorry I have sooo much work” is not acceptable.
3. Rejection:  It happens. True, it’s not nice, but if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Justifying it by saying, if I see them next week and look super-hot/ act extra-charming then maybe… Maybe what? Nothing. Act now or forever hold your peace. If they say no, it probably isn’t meant to be. If they think they may like you, then they would be crazy to turn you down.

OK, so you remember pulling in the groggy early hours of Life last Sunday. Obviously you got with said person because you were attracted to them in some way (although I concede, beer goggles/ uncontrollable horniness are occasionally valid reasons). What’s the harm in getting to know them in a normal, sober situation?. Guys, pluck up some Dutch or not-so-Dutch courage and ask the actually quite cute girl you hooked up with out for a coffee. And girls, say YES! Most likely, you’ll both have a nice friendly chat and they’ll become another familiar face to meet and greet on your next night out.

And, you never know, you might even come off the dating market.