Wolfson June Event

Cärlchen Jupp is blown away by Wolfson June Event. Any takers for next year?

Elementa at Wolfson

22nd June 2012, £68

Wolfson June Event was sold to me as ‘quite cheap, but quite good value’.

And I think that pretty much sums it up. After getting through the bloody racket greeting the queue (about six people attacking the eardrums with what they claimed was ‘drumming’), it turned into quite a good evening – in fact, really good for the price.

Despite running out of sparkling wine, the drinks were pretty damn good; spirits were high for the majority of the night, and there was very little waiting around, which made a change from some of the balls this year, where drinks queues looked like passport control in Sierra Leone.

Food was also pretty good, although I was fairly disappointed at the level which the committee felt they needed to cater to vegetarians. It’s political correctness gone mad. If you don’t like a hog roast, just have the bun, with a variety of delicious sauces.

As usual at these things, the theme was completely irrelevant to the evening – and in fact one of the big ‘elements’ posters almost caught alight during the fairly lacklustre fireworks. But there were some quirky bits – you could get your feet eaten by some fetishist fish, there was a weird oxygen mask thing which reminded me uncomfortably of A and E, and, quite a surprise, there were some hot people in the bands. Having said that, cinnamon-flavoured whisky isn’t fun or different: it tastes like shit.

The music in general was pretty good, in fact, with some nice trumpeter lads blowing away like there was no tomorrow, which is certainly my kind of June Event. My dancing looks pathogenic, so it was good to be in and amongst an enormous dancefloor crowd, which seemed to remain for most of the night, for both stages.

A standard for these thing seems to be the dodgems, which were great until a friend of mine thought the best thing was to drive over the owner’s feet until we got asked to leave (thanks Joe). There was also a casino, but by the time we got round to it, I could no longer remember my own name, let alone win at poker – which is a shame, as I like to think I’m pretty good at cheating.

So all in all, a pretty good event, and one which should probably respect itself a bit more. Admittedly, a lot of the crowd weren’t trendy young things, but that also meant that a lot of them weren’t complete cocks; so that was a big bonus. I’d definitely go again. And if you’re attractive and single (optional), I’ll buy you a ticket to come along too.

Food and drink:


Wow factor:


Value for money


Star attraction:

Cocktail bar

Biggest turn-0ff:


  • cue

    jokes about there being at least one bell-end there…

  • Sidneyite

    Will Sidney ever be reviewed?

    • someone who went

      hopefully. it was terrible!

    • Tit Haller

      thinking the same thing

    • Sidney guest

      Given that Jonny Singer was walking round taking photos and looking journalistic, I'm guessing he was planning to write a review, but now feels he can't be honest about it without offending the ball committee.

  • Charlie Bell

    Haha those stupid Sierra Leonians; I hate them so.

  • tab hater

    sorry how was wolfson been given a better review than the king's affair. you have GOT to be kidding me. bellends @ the tab.

    • the truth

      because it was better.

  • bored

    £68 is considered cheap for one night? Maybe compared to may balls but in general no

    • ….

      What do you want it compared to, a piece of chicken?

  • Tit Hallian

    Will Tit Hall ever get reviewed either?

  • i love you charlie

    Charlie I wish you wrote every review – the way you have with words makes me quiver all over.

    There are so many insightful comments. My favourite is that some of the bands had good looking members. I just hate it when committees don’t choose their acts based on their looks…eeeew!

    I know right, you could practically just insert any poor developing country’s name and describe their passport control as like a queue of Cambridge students at a May Ball. Like two peas in a pod!

    We are so similar Charlie – I hate bloody vegetarians too! It must have been so funny to see you and your chubby mates gorging away on burgers, getting red in the face over the fact they were allowed to eat something other than bread and sauce. What has our country come to! Oh Charlie you do make me giggle.

    I also like the way you throw long words in into the article so we can see how clever you are, like ‘pathogenic’. Just imagine your dancing actually causing disease – that would be hilarious.

    ‘The bloody racket greeting the queue’ must have been so annoying for you too, poor boy – they don’t deserve to even be given a name if they were that bad. But I’m so glad for you that ‘some nice trumpeter lads’ were there to save the day. It’s funny how you forget all their names because you were so drunk, you even forgot your own you silly billy!

    It’s CHARLIE BELL. The best reviewer Cambridge has ever seen.

    • tl;


  • Gourmand

    No mention of the breakfast? Definitely Wolfson's biggest stand-out "wow". Imagine: at the end of the evening, when rumours of shortages have been circulating for a couple of hours, a huge table of fresh fruit, croissants, Danish pastries and hot coffee emerges seemingly out of nowhere (but, in actuality, out of the upstairs hall). It's shocking that no other May Week event follows suit, and instead we have lukewarm, slowly congealing bacon sandwiches inflicted upon us wherever we go.

  • Molly Ayla


  • Will

    Trinity Hall ever get reviewed?

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