Sex-cess: Cambridge Mounts Uni Sex Poll

Cambridge has climbed to 17th on the Student Beans sex poll.

Cambridge is mounting the league tables again: this time, for sex.

Student Beans’ annual survey of student sex-life placed Cambridge 17th in the country for the number of sexual partners per student.

The average sexually active Cambridge student has had 4.62 partners since coming to uni.

This is a marked improvement on Cambridge’s recent fortunes on the poll – last year we came in at 56th.

Only one Russell Group university was placed higher: Newcastle came in at number 9 with just 0.1 more sexual partners per person.

The Other Place is slacking in the bedroom department, coming in at a measly 51st. With just 3.44 sex partners each, it seems God has dammed bloody Oxford.

Bangor to rights: The Welsh uni dominates the poll

But some have cast doubt upon the reliability of the poll. Whilst 5311 students were surveyed, that’s an average of only 53 students per university. And only 28% of respondents were male.

Lawrence Bowles, a 3rd year Caian, said: ‘It seems more like a half-arsed Facebook poll than a serious survey. The sample size is too small.’

An anonymous student warned that the poll’s policy of ‘only choosing sexually active students may have been the key to Cambridge’s success.’

But others were more upbeat. ‘It doesn’t surprise me that when you discount people not having sex at all, Cambridge students are at it like rabbits. We all need to blow off steam sometimes,’ said Dave Holland, a third year arch and anth student.

Students in general seemed to be fairly sexually adventurous. 18% had tried bondage and 35% had experimented with blindfolds. Spanking, role-play and cyber-sex were all also common.

Many more students identified as bi or homosexual that amongst the general population, with 6% calling themselves bi and 3% gay.

  • Bangor University

    Here I come

    • suspicious

      how last year you came 57th…

  • Ruth Graham

    Celebrating rape (all sex is rape because women are so oppressed that they cannot give meaningful consent)? Typical of the sexist PRICKS at the Tab.


    • It's narrow minded

      individuals like you, who mock attempts at gender equality in the name of "banter", that make me glad this University has a students' union and a womens' officer.

      • it's obtuse

        people like you who think all banterous comments about sexual equality are just pure straight mockery of the issue without putting it into context. this was more a mockery of ruth graham's controversial response to the rear of the year than it was to general nationwide gender equality.

      • Muammar Gadaffi

        Shit! Accidentally voted you up! Feminists can blow me.

      • Ruth Graham

        I am the womens' officer, you dumb shit.

    • not funny. you're a dick

  • Big Handsome Man

    Bangor seems somehow appropriate.

  • Bangor Anomaly

    They shouldn't have counted sheep.

  • yyyeeeeeaaahhhh

    go fuck yourselves, dark blues.

    (seems like you need it)

    • Two cheeks same arse

      Who cares about student beans now Cherwell have done their own survey…?

      "you are much more likely to achieve a First Class degree if you are homosexual."

      • yyyeeeeeaaahhhh

        cheers for spamming my comment



  • Strained cock

    Knew my hard work would pay off

    need some rest now.

  • Christiano Roberts

    Nah they're reliable, I just pulled up the average!

  • errrrrrr

    but we're 17th?

    • Christiano Roberts

      Well it would be much lower without me so why don't you just piss off.

  • Matt Wyman

    I've had 20 and only been here for one year! LOL

    • the truth

      not true

  • Lydia Chlamydia

    Why is having so many sexual partners seen as a good thing?

  • Allen Iverson

    Fitz beat johns at rugby

  • Bangawhore uni

    hehe thats appropriate

  • George CliftonBizzle

    its probably me dragging the average up with my black prostitutes!!!

    • All I can Say Is

      EXCUSE YOU?!

  • HIV

    Why am I not getting any sex then?

  • Roger Boys

    beating sexeter

  • Meh

    I've had only one since starting three years ago. I don't think I've failed. Just shagged one person that I like a lot of times.

    • Cool

      Cool story bro. Whatever makes you feel better about it.

    • lens of truth

      (s)he's probably shagged a lot of people lots of times though.

      • Meh

        Nah. She's a munter.

        • In the know

          Hi Tom!

    • Philosopher

      Love sucks
      True love swallows

  • Isaac Newton

    I didn't get any when I was an undergrad. I didn't get any for my entire life now that I think about it.

  • The university of


  • Cuthbert

    How could you want to be with a girl whose had another man's cum all over her face?

    • Grammar Girl

      Well, if you can't even manage to insert something the size of an apostrophe in the correct place, I'd hate to think what a hash you'd make of anything else…

      • true pedant

        marry me?

        • Grammar Girl

          Sorry, I'm a bit of a stickler for capital letters as well…

          • True Pedant

            I can change, I promise!

            I suppose you don't like smileys either. :(

            • Grammar Girl

              Nah, they're fine. The real bar to our forthcoming relationship is that I'm merely a figment of someone's imagination, but I'm sure we can work on that…

  • No ARU?

    Then again, they're not a real university.

  • #therat

    thank me later

  • Bangor Graduate

    I have no idea how many sexual partners I've had. Every time I tried to count I fell asleep

  • Statistician

    'Many more students identified as bi or homosexual that amongst the general population, with 6% calling themselves bi and 3% gay'

    Isn't that about proportionate to their representation among the population, unless you believe the Daily Mail?

  • Elisha

    How can you want to be with a woman who's had another man's cum all over her face?
    How can you kiss a woman when you know that another man's cock was in there before?

    • Well

      If I actually thought that then i'd be pretty hypocritical as i've had multiple partners. More importantly, you should be thinking about your connection with the person your with (whether it's a one night stand, friends with benefits or a long term relationship) rather than getting jealous about each other's pasts….
      Stay safe, have fun, try not to be a dickhead.

  • Max Planck

    I think that next time students will consider the result of this poll when entering the university :)

  • Abstinance

    Odd. I just presumed cantabs didn't have time for sex.

  • DSK

    I played my part in this statistic when I visited the union.

    • Bored Exam Marker

      I see where you're going with this, but a very basic point nonetheless. Needs more evaluation and originality. 2.ii.

      • Examinee

        Oi! Get back to marking my paper! No wonder I got a 2.ii – the examiners clearly aren't focussing on my arguments.

        • Bored Exam Marker

          Hang on let me see if I've marked your script. Ah, here it is. Oh, a 3rd. Now move along you insignificant swot, I've got some motherfucking global research to do.

  • 4.62

    The 0.62 of a girl was my favourite

    • Catholic

      Oh God

  • big dong danny

    like this if you've got a massive dong – this is clearly why Cambridge is rising up the rankings. What a bunch of Oxford nublets

  • Bangor Studwagon

    Hey everyone. I go to Bangor (or Bang-her as it's known in Bangorbridge). Forgive the classic Bangor bantwagon; I am currently shagging 8 women as I write this and all of them have great chebs. Hope you're all ok and you're all good chat, unlike the Fitz Vikings (or more like Fitz negative Blokeington-Bears) and the Caesareans (aka Smegsareans).
    Shout out to my main man Johnsbridge Megabloke – you go to a top college, keep the top bant up to make up for those Trinity megajibsons.

  • Llewellyn Kinch

    If I was still there, Cambridge would have won

  • Just

    Putting the word 'just' in front of every single statistic doesn't make them any more salient.

    • Exactly

      Given last year's statistic was 3.7, I think an extra 0.92 partners apiece is realistically going to have no discernible impact on any of our lives…

  • e cigs

    i`m all for the aston university

  • Gonzo

    Ah, finally some proof that others like having intercourse with a percentage of a person as I do. Here's to the .62!

  • Bruah

    where is all this happening!! the fountain? MC Revolting? geesh

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