News From The Dark Blues

Feminists, 'lads', hoaxes and the Daily Mail - it's not all that different over at the Other Place.

This week at Jesus a group of what can only be described as communist lesbians tried their upmost to push the college into the Maoist nightmare we all know they want.

The attempted coup came in the form a of JCR motion suggesting the establishment of a ‘women’s empowerment scheme’.

Well I think we can all agree that the only thing that should be empowering women around here is our cocks; am I right boys? Good thing there were plenty of ‘Top Lads’ there to let those women know just how ridiculous they were being. I for one know exactly where they can stick their empowerment – in their vaginas, with my cock.

For those of you who aren’t, let’s say, the sharpest spires in Cambridge, and haven’t yet seen through my carefully crafted dramatic persona, please do not adjust your sets. I do, of course, think that so called ‘lad culture’ is nothing but a festering misogynistic turd, in desperate need of being flushed back into the prehistoric jelly of evolutionarily stunted slime where it belongs.

Jesus’ male dominated JCR, on the other hand, seems a little less clear on this issue and has found itself caught in the crossfire of numerous allegations of endemic sexism. These allegations followed in the wake of a JCR meeting in which male members reportedly shouted down women in attendance for being “ridiculous” to propose the empowerment scheme.

Meanwhile, as you chaps get bombarded with bomb hoaxes, Brasenose has been, as I am told the young people say, ‘kicking it old school’ in the hoax department.

A minor media frenzy was stoked up, with the BBC, The Telegraph and The Daily Mail all on the scene after a number of insidious posters were spotted around the college banning the wearing of pyjamas at breakfast, which read: “This practice evinces a failure to distinguish between public and private spaces in college. There is a clear distinction between night wear (private) and day wear (public). I trust that this slovenly practice will cease forthwith.”

Alas, all this turned out not to be the work of one of the College’s more draconian Dons finally losing it with his students’ deficiency of Harris Tweed and pith helmets to go on a poster based rampage.

Brasenose insists the posters were the work of students and not official college policy.

  • Tommy

    Okay, so what does this have to do with Dundee FC???

  • In fairness,

    what the fuck is a 'women's empowerment scheme'?

    • boo

      gives them each a dildo to stay well clear of Isaac Delestre

  • Ashamed

    This is always the best-written column in the Tab.

    • I always wonder…

      how do they employ these people?

  • Stunned Silence

  • question

    What is a ‘women’s empowerment scheme’?

    Serious question. What does it actually do?

    • Obi-Woman Kenobi

      If you vote it down, they will grow more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

  • Allan

    Bit misleading, as Tommy already stated Dundee FC are the real dark blues.

    • Yeah but

      No one gives a shit about Scotland. Or football. As for Scottish football…

      • Braveheart

        You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEEDDOOOMMM!!!! But in fairness, our football is dire in comparison to other football.

  • Ruth Graham

    A female empowerment/supremacy scheme sounds like a very good idea. This shall be the next issue on the agenda of the CUSU Women's Campaign.

  • night attire

    So do Brasenose actually *allow* night attire in Hall? All the article says is that the *posters* were not a college policy.

    My College do not allow night attire or flip-flops in Hall, but enforcement is pathetic. Could someone send across a .pdf of the posters please?

  • ikinci el e?ya

    A female empowerment no such thing as women's already strong. not complete a job, but not women, not men. men and women like the two wings of a bird or a bird can not fly without wings. Daddy, we need one of us

    • what is this

      I don't even

    • Wisedom

      I don't know what this means, but I feel like I agree with it. I also think that Ikinci may just be the Messiah.

  • Tab Jihad

    Who cares about Oxford when evidently, York is now the centre of attention…

    Tab ousted as number 1?

    Surely not???

    "York Vision is now the most visited student newspaper website in terms of UK traffic. Great content always going up on"!/yorkvisionnews

    Page 4


    Have at them Tabsters.

    • @York Vision Gimp

      You know, that might almost be impressive if the entire populace of your university hadn't applied and been promptly rejected from Oxbridge…

    • Fred Pringle Jr.

      And even more traffic now! I wonder how much add revenue you get.

  • Cherwell & OxStu
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