What a Duck-up!

Cam Conservators have been accused of attacking sitting ducks.

Cam conservators have angered animal welfare activists yet again after ducklings were killed by a lawnmower.

In preparation for May Bumps, the flagship college rowing event of the year, the banks of the Cam were mowed this week.

However, it is alleged that there was no consideration of animals’ nesting season, resulting in the death of at least one family of ducks, the remains of which were found on the riverbank.

This comes in the same week as rowers have been attacked from national animal rights groups and anarchists alike over the treatment of Mr ASBO.

The RSPCA reacted with ‘disappointment’ to this ducking of responsibility. A statement said “We are very surprised and disappointed that they have shown that degree of ignorance in mowing the verges in the middle of breeding season.”

Cute. But will it blend?

And Cam Conservators, who are responsible for the river’s well-being and have recently been described as being ‘in the pockets’ of rowers, will not have assuaged doubts with their response.

They told the press, “It was not intentional. I’m sure that the contractors next time will be more careful.”

Students seem genuinely angered by the blunder, with an anonymous duck enthusiast telling The Tab that she was fed up of the wise-quacking Conservators. “The trauma experienced by the duck community is an unacceptable side effect of the rowing obsession,” she continued.

Second year Engineer James Sheldon was also critical, telling The Tab, “It’s not really OK to kill animals just so boaties can have some fun. Especially if they’re cute and fluffy.”

  • Boatie

    Don't blame us! This was entriely ignorant and irresponsible- no boatie asked for some thicko with a lawnmower to mow the verges during nesting season. The blame clearly lies with the Conservators of the Cam and not with CUCBC or rowers in general.

  • Not ducking joking

    'Cute. But will it blend?'

    This duckling massacre is, I believe, too tragic for a Blendtec reference.

  • Good

    …to hear that Jonny Singer actually takes an interest in something. Turns out that something is water-fowl. Spiffing.

  • Non-Rower

    This is very sad, but it's silly to say it's the result of any kind of boaty fanaticism. The contractor's weren't careful and were inconsiderate, they're the only people to blame. RIP little duckies.

    • Non-Rower

      Can't believe I put an apostrophe in "contractors", I'm an English student as well!

      • Confused

        A non-rower *and* and English student? What do you do with all your spare time?

        • Non-Rower

          masturbate, in the main

          • Brooks-Leveson

            LOL, in the main. Or DC…

  • 105 hours

    This 'story' was on the Cambridge News on Tuesday morning – does it really take 4 days to summarise their article and get a few irrelevant comments from students?

    It's a complete non-issue anyway – CamCon mow the verges several times a year, so the idea that they're doing it all for the pleasure of rowers is a piss-take. Even if it were, all the actual boaties are in boats for Bumps – it's all the non-boaties who want somewhere nice to sit on the bank.

    This is poor, even for the Tab.

    • Non-Boatie

      I think you misunderstand that non-boaties couldn't care less about rowers. In fact, the only people who want to watch this ridiculous event are failed boaties themselves.

      No one can be bothered with rowing unless they try to row themselves

      • Spectator

        Opinion. Population: 1

      • Except

        that is not true…

  • I think

    the anonymous duck enthusiast sounds like she knows her stuff

  • Oh Jonny

    I wish you would love me back and then we could elope and have curly babies

  • duckling

    oh shit

  • Scrooge McDuck

    Bah! Humbug!

  • Daffy

    A similar scarred upbringing is what resulted in donald duck's severe speech impediment

  • Sceptical

    Were the lawns really mowed especially for a rowing race over a month away?



  • sam goodman

    killing ducks is worse than killing humans

  • James Murdoch

    Ducklings do blend.

  • Pun Man

    I think it's fair to say that may bumps this year wont be all they're usually quacked up to be!

  • These jokes

    are fowl

  • Duck Killer

    Why is it that dead ducks make me kind of happy?

    • Possibly

      because you were abused as a child?

  • His Royal Ratness

    There is only room for one cute animal in Cambridge #therat

  • Mower

    Yeah, let's mow the grass for bumps, an event a whole five weeks away, oh wait, grass can grow a lot in five weeks…

    Ever pause to consider that the mowing was done for general upkeep?

  • Fluffy Rower

    Gotta love those cute and fluffy rowers…

  • Trinitarian

    Yum yum. We're going to have duck confit for the next week!

  • Dolan Duck

    Gooby plz.



  • Real Avenger

    It's fine. I rescued 12 ducks from Parkers Piece the other day.

  • Idea

    Will it mow could definitely catch on

  • Ducktivist

    Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!?!?!?

  • Eugene Geidelberg

    I did my Part II Zoology project on ducks and I can confirm that being lawnmowered is not adaptive.

  • Naturist

    Has anyone noticed how long the grass is getting? Bumps is another 2 and a half weeks away…

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