News From The Dark Blues

ISAAC DELESTRE once again treads the fine line between slander between slander and circumspection to bring you news of the other place.

For a Party who generally take a pretty dim view of sodomy, UKIP appear to have an alarming propensity for thrusting the well-lubricated shaft of political suicide into their tight Anglo-Saxon rectums.

This week it was the turn of Oxford local election candidate Julia Gasper. Gasper’s blog managed to invoke the righteous Internet fury of after complaining that homosexuals don’t show enough “gratitude” to heterosexuals for giving birth to them.

But lets not jump to any conclusions about Gasper being a screaming homophobe. A second blog post soon cleared everything up, reminding us that she was the real victim: “Crazy gay fascists demanded that I should be hanged, gassed, pushed over a cliff, electrocuted or aborted. They heaped every sort of abuse that a deranged mind could come up with”.

Whilst the cavalry of UKIPs political fuck-ups was charging into the hail of oncoming machine-gun fire, the Green campaign quietly retreated to its dugout to shot itself in the foot. After a pleasingly backstabbing tip-off from the Lib Dems The Oxford Student learned that despite flyers claiming that they opposed HMO (Housing in Multiple Occupancy) quotas, it was the Greens who had proposed them in the first place.

Meanwhile, at the primary school production that is the Union’s disciplinary committee, Maddie Grant (of “I don’t hack, I just have a great rack” fame) has been bundled with a £125 fine for ‘bringing the Union into disrepute’ in the wake of her boob based election manifesto.

Talking of tits, the JCR President’s Committee conducted its own show trial this week.The OxStu’s esteemed editors were summoned before the committee, where they were stripped to the waist and sentenced to 12 lashes for every JCR president they’ve made look like a twat. It took a while.

In other news, there’s been some shady goings on at Jesus College, where the home bursar has been suspended concerning allegations of “misconduct”. Lucky for Jesus that the phrase “misconduct” is IN NO WAY SYNONYMOUS WITH BANGING UNDERGRADS.

Heard something newsworthy?

REVIEW: Ten Plagues

Dani Cugini is confused and mesmerised by one of Cambridge’s most experimental shows to date.

Pro-Palestine Societies boycott Middle East Peace Week

They claim the talks were organised to “direct attention away from the growing success of Israeli Apartheid Week”.

and and

Tab Tries: Cambridge Escape Rooms

We got locked into several locked rooms for an hour and had to solve a series of weirdly difficult challenges to get out.

, Chief Reporter

There’s a new app that works out what kind of dog you are

It uses artificial intelligence

, Chief Reporter

Your social media game is making you seriously undateable, says science

Don’t get caught Facebook stalking

, Chief Reporter

Checking Facebook all the time is damaging your sleep

Study finds it’s interfering with your shut eye

Boxing gets a bad rep. We’re not all thugs and brawlers

‘It’s like trying to playing chess while getting hit in the head’

and and

The things going to Catholic school taught me about life

Mass is where all the sexual tension is played out