News From The Dark Blues

By on

ISAAC DELESTRE once again treads the fine line between slander between slander and circumspection to bring you news of the other place.

For a Party who generally take a pretty dim view of sodomy, UKIP appear to have an alarming propensity for thrusting the well-lubricated shaft of political suicide into their tight Anglo-Saxon rectums.

This week it was the turn of Oxford local election candidate Julia Gasper. Gasper’s blog managed to invoke the righteous Internet fury of after complaining that homosexuals don’t show enough “gratitude” to heterosexuals for giving birth to them.

But lets not jump to any conclusions about Gasper being a screaming homophobe. A second blog post soon cleared everything up, reminding us that she was the real victim: “Crazy gay fascists demanded that I should be hanged, gassed, pushed over a cliff, electrocuted or aborted. They heaped every sort of abuse that a deranged mind could come up with”.

Whilst the cavalry of UKIPs political fuck-ups was charging into the hail of oncoming machine-gun fire, the Green campaign quietly retreated to its dugout to shot itself in the foot. After a pleasingly backstabbing tip-off from the Lib Dems The Oxford Student learned that despite flyers claiming that they opposed HMO (Housing in Multiple Occupancy) quotas, it was the Greens who had proposed them in the first place.

Meanwhile, at the primary school production that is the Union’s disciplinary committee, Maddie Grant (of “I don’t hack, I just have a great rack” fame) has been bundled with a £125 fine for ‘bringing the Union into disrepute’ in the wake of her boob based election manifesto.

Talking of tits, the JCR President’s Committee conducted its own show trial this week.The OxStu’s esteemed editors were summoned before the committee, where they were stripped to the waist and sentenced to 12 lashes for every JCR president they’ve made look like a twat. It took a while.

In other news, there’s been some shady goings on at Jesus College, where the home bursar has been suspended concerning allegations of “misconduct”. Lucky for Jesus that the phrase “misconduct” is IN NO WAY SYNONYMOUS WITH BANGING UNDERGRADS.

  • Man

    I think we need to see Maddie Grant's manifesto in order to form a fair opinion…

    • Internet Stalker

      I'd agree with her claims… Well, I can't comment on whether she hacks, but I wouldn't mind one of those racks; she could grind my axe; I'd give her a few whacks; I'd like to punt along her Backs; assess her assets for tax; entertain her in the sacks; and probably give her a body wax…

      • Granted!

        Allow me to shake hands, Sir…

        …with your raging erection. Down there.

        Woof woof!

  • Ahaha

    Love the intro.

  • Lawyer

    *awaits defamation lawsuit*

  • cheeksofsamearse

    The OxStu’s esteemed editors…

  • DrShapur

    I am indeed going to sue this poor boy's arse, and that of his newspaper, out of house and home.

  • Columnist

    *Flees country*

  • A Pedantic Cantab

    The lashing couldn't have hurt too hard since there appears to be only one JCR President on the JCR President's Committee. What do they teach you over there?

  • Isaac

    *Heads for the border*

    • Hack

      Oddly enough, he has been depicted as the Wandering Jew in cartoons in the OxStu's lesser rival…

  • Tab journalism

    Does the reporter mean to write with bias?

    • The obvious

      Journalist has opinion. Shock.

  • Anony-mouse

    I like how this article conveniently doesn’t mention that the proposers of the themed events motion proposed at the ASM to pull the motion, since they didn’t believe minority rights should be voted on by the majority. We all wanted it to not pass – it got pushed to the ASM by council, and that was not what we wanted at all.

    • Hawhaw

      It’s not what anyone wanted. Even Bowater, who represents about 1/3 of your coverage and about 1/2 of the inches of this article agreed with them on this point. Really weird bias there. Why would you choose to cover a motion that was basically uncontested and withdrawn rather than one which was contentious: the fossil free one?

    • Anony-mau5

      So they believe laws that affect everyone should be voted for by the minority..?

      The fact they tried to pull this motion is a bit dubious in itself. How can it be a worthwhile motion but only worthwhile in ASM. The moment it gets referred to general vote, they want to pull it? Does this mean they thought it could be only passed through by a very dis-representative segment of the population?

      Is this motion being pushed by the same people who pushed the ‘successful’ bacardi boycott motion? Similar tactics.

  • Anon

    The fact is, the student body does not engage the majority of students. Less than two thousand people voted on an issue that addresses the fundamental right to free speech and expression on campus. The fact remains that the viability of Page 3 should ultimately depend on its popularity amongst the general public and not on the passionate views of essentially a tiny minority of the university.

    In my opinion, the question was addressed completely wrong, and this censorship leads the union onto a slippery slope which will inevitably lead to a lack of free speech which is considered against the establishment ideal

    • A Woman

      Yeah you’re right, the ‘free speech’ of the Sun to print a picture of a topless woman to increase their sales is more important than gender equality. If you don’t understand why this is an issue of equality, why not actually read about the campaign and why everyone who has given it more than a moment of thought cares so much about it.

      • a man

        would there be the same outcry if a topless photo of a man appeared in a newspaper? because if not them its really an issue of equality

        • Common sense

          No, because the history and present-day reality of the sexual subordination of men by women is non-existent. Context matters. That is the whole point of the campaign. Like I said, why not actually read about it rather than coming up with ridiculously over-simplified and easy to refute comments such as yours?

          • RealFreeSpeech

            We are exercising our rights as consumers through a collective boycott.

  • Ham hater

    This is fucking ridiculous. I dont like ham it offends me. Please ban it from being on sale.

    • a generic tosser

      lets start a campaign against pre-cooked sliced meats

  • Elliott

    for a campaign team which “have been campaigning and lobbying hard for months now” I would have expected a landslide victory. It’s not like there was an entire campaign team against them. Once a year The Sun give away 2 free tickets to Alton Towers/Thorpe Park and now I have to walk to Canon Park to buy it. Cheers for making my decision for me.

  • BaldEagleOmelet

    It’s always the unattractive over opinionated women who try to draw attention to themselves for ridiculous reasons. Upstaged each day by a photo in a mediocre newspaper so they attempt to make themselves feel like they made a difference in the world, and failed. Pointless.

    • HairyPenguinPoachedEgg

      you’re a fucking idiot

  • Student

    Let’s start a campaign to ban the SU – that’s full of tits as well!

  • Just to clarify

    Page 3 hasn’t been banned yet… The vote will just help the campaigners to pressure the university and Costcutter. Also everyone at the greeting agreed that the ‘rules regarding themed events’ motion should be voted down. Maybe you should have got someone who actually attended the ASM to write this article?

  • David Cameron

    I heard that Scott Alexander guy is pretty cool… and smart.. wish i could be him.

  • Person

    It hasn’t been banned. You can still have The Sun on campus. It just means that the SU can lobby Costcutter to stop selling it until Page 3 is removed.

    Whoever wrote this clearly was not at the ASM meeting and didn’t even bother to watch the video of it. Class Tab journalism. Morons.

  • Good Research Guys

    ‘The Sun’ hasn’t been banned at all. The motion that passed only mandated the SU to ask the University to remove it from sale on campus outlets.

  • Potatoe Head

    Didn’t realise the sun had au natural woman in it. I may part with 20 pennies and purchase it now. tyvm.

  • fuzzy

    get the bird holding the sign to get her tits out

  • Pingback: Blue Coaster33()

  • Pingback: how to increase leptin()

  • Pingback: streaming movies()

  • Pingback: watch movies online free()

  • Pingback: alkaline water()

  • Pingback: alkaline water()

  • Pingback: kangen water machine()

  • Pingback: Why Viber is Blocked in UAE()

  • Pingback: check out DIRECTV channels()

  • Pingback: mobile porn movies()

  • Pingback: laane penge()

  • Pingback: car parking()

  • Pingback: water ionizer()

  • Pingback: laan penge nu og her 18 aar()

  • Pingback: stop parking()

  • Pingback: water ionizer()

  • Pingback: alkaline water brands()

  • Pingback: m. arnold electrician()

  • Pingback: locksmith seattle()

  • Pingback: original site()

  • Pingback: house blue()

  • Pingback: electricians 19128()

  • Pingback: electrician vs plumbers()

  • Pingback: adventure maps()

  • Pingback: pay per day loans plan()

Heard something newsworthy?

By on

Police crash Peterhouse JCR Christmas Party after drunk fresher smashes window

They asked people to come forward or they would personally inspect everyone

By on

Vote Now: Cambridge’s Best Bums 2015

All bums are equal, but some are more equal than others. Help us choose which ones.

By on

Why do girls love calling each other sluts?

The week 8 ADC late show Girls Like That follows a group of girls and explores the toxic, social-media dominated world we grow up in.

By and on

What is the best all-girls school in the country?

‘Millie can I borrow a tampon?’

By , Contributing Editor on

All things considered, doing DofE Gold is quite weird

So many blisters

By on

London’s plubs are the best thing about UK nightlife right now

(It’s a pub and a club mixed together)

By , Contributing Editor on

We asked guys whether they prefer thongs or french knickers

The finer things in life

By , Chief Reporter on

Your gluten free diet is killing the wheat industry

Bread just makes me bloat

By , Chief Reporter on

How to get into a Boiler Room DJ set

There are a few options