Cambridge’s Rear Of The Year

It’s been a year since Pippa Middleton’s bum hit the headlines at her sister’s royal wedding. We’ve all seen the crumpets, bought the support tights and got the surgery.

But that wedding was a year ago, and while Kate is getting more beautiful by the day, P. Middy’s once show-stopping rear is frankly So Yesterday (so yesterday).

It’s time to find a new bum on which to focus our attentions. And this time, it’s got to belong to a man.

That’s why, in the last few weeks, I’ve had a crack at finding Cambridge’s Rear of the Year. So sit back, relax, enjoy and vote:

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HARRY from Tit Hall

Harry is from a farm in Wales, and his favourite chat up line is, “Did you know I have 21,000 chickens?” Harry may be ass-toundingly gifted in the poultry department, but rumour has it that’s not the only reason behind his success with the ladies.

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OSCAR from John’s

Oscar used to work at JJB Sports, and he pitches woo with the line: “Do you like raisins? How about a date then?” With a bum like that, I don’t think anyone would p-arse up the chance to eat dried fruits with Oscar.

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BEN from Fitz

Ben’s room smells like a weasel, and his favourite chat up line is, “Hi, would you like to have lunch at my Grandma’s? Pretty sure it’s casserole Tuesday!” We’ve all heard about Ben’s Grandma’s rear-ly good culinary skills.

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DAVID from Girton

David once got his penis stuck inside a letter box, and his favourite chat up line is: “My magic watch tells me you’re not wearing any underwear. It must be an hour fast.” We don’t know what David’s doing bumming around near letter boxes, but his behind is simply arse-tonishing.

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MATT from Tit Hall

Matt once dressed up as a female Santa and wore a G-string to a Christmas bop. His best chat up line is: “You’re like an optical illusion – you make all the other women in the room disappear.” Incidentally, Matt supports Arse-nal.

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HARRY from Pembroke

Harry recently judged the arses of two men to compare which was hairier. He claims not to need chat up lines, and instead tells girls about his days of bum judging. So far, all girls have turned away with looks of fear and repulsion, but Harry tells us that the girl that stays is the one for him. He’s still looking.

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So there you have it: six lovely bottoms. But which ones are ass-thetically pleasing? Are any a dis-ass-ter? And which would you send to the bottom of the pile? Take part in our poll below, and let us know.