Tab Tries: Whisky Tasting

, News Editor

HARRY SHUKMAN steps up in one of his toughest assignments yet to taste high-value whisky at the Union.

“Give this one a try. It makes an excellent breakfast whisky.”

Whisky expert Mark is explaining how the subtle hints of peat and smoke in Ardbeg Blasda beat espresso when it comes to starting your day.

I’m at a whisky festival at the Union, put on by Cambridge Wine Merchants. My last experience of whisky ended in tears for all concerned, so I’m childishly naïve when it comes to figuring out what makes a good bottle.

As far as I’m concerned, I’m in an alcoholic’s playground: there are 50 bottles of high value whisky waiting to be drunk, and it’s 4.30pm. Life is looking pretty good.

My whisky innocence soon changes as I’m whisked into a world of iso-tasting glasses, palate calibration, and how not to blow out my olfactory bulb.

Behind each table is a helpful rep explaining why their peaty-smoky flavours beat the peaty-smoky flavours of their rivals. With low whisky experience points, I can tell the difference between ‘a lot’ and ‘a bit less’.

First we’re introduced to carefully-explained and absurdly-named whiskies. There’s Auchentoshan, Ardbeg Uigeadail, and for hard bastards only, The Laddie Ten.

Big laddies only

Second we found out that whisky is not a drink exclusively for aged eccentrics, or Baltimore homicide cops. Each bottle has a story and a technicality to it. The effects of the cask’s wood, the maturing time, even sea level all make a big difference to the flavour. And all these are explained with descriptions that would make a sommelier cringe. I’m told the Hazelburn is like liquid liquorice, the Linkwood is a cascading waterfall of taste, and the Glengoyne has a bouquet of flavours. Of course it does.

And of course no whisky tasting festival is complete without young professionals lapping up the booze and making arsey comments. The select group of discerning tasters in attendance responded with their own ideas: “it’s almost, sort of, nutty.” Well observed.

Cretins aside, we move onto the impressive range of bottles on show. Next to the scotches are unreleased brands, Japanese blends, and the one English. How does he compare to his Scottish neighbours? The server responds with a wee lilt of the auld country: “can you compare a Mini to a Rolls-Royce?” Apparently not.

The Mini against the Rolls-Royce

Working our way through the list, we spot a £200, 30-year-old bottle of Port Askaig. It’s our mission to try out the ruddy-faced father of all these bottles. Apparently its 30 years make for the perfect flavour combination of salt, sweet, smoke, and medicine. But in the world of whisky one-up-man-ship, this is still nothing. A bottle of Glenlivet that has been maturing since 1940 sells for £13,000. It’s enough to bring a tear to the eye of even the sternest glen-dwelling Scot.

Proud: It’s a £200, 30 year old whisky baby

The closest to a bad whisky was a brand named Blackart, yet to be released. I’d be pulling a Johann Hari if I could claim to recall the exact flavours and subtle hints of peat. Reeling back from its burn, the single word we decide to write down on our tasting sheets is “aggressive”.

I’m ashamed to say we fell short of even the halfway mark in getting through all 50 bottles. Aggressive bottles aside, it was agreed as we left the Union that any bad blood whisky and I shared before had been swept under the carpet.

  • Japanese punman

    This is a Sake comment.

  • Hahahahahaha

    “it’s almost, sort of, nutty.”
    – Much like the author's chewing gum.

    • Superman

      I don't get it

  • Whisky Galore

    I'm annoyed I didn't hear about this. Anyone who went know if there were any good blends? Baillie Nichol Jarvie or similar?

    • Pussy Galore

      No, but there were many felines.

    • Cambridge Wine

      Sorry you didn't hear about it, but you can keep posted about all our future events & offers by signing up for our weekly mailing list here:

    • Considered

      booooo shut up

    • Singlemaltman

      "good" and "blends" should never go together.

      • Matty McBroide

        But "your ma" and "me" should be together forever. Waheyheyeheyehyeh!

  • Make Your Mind Up

    Whisky or whiskey?

    • Ents Officer

      Whisky if it's Scotch, whiskey if it's Irish.

Get the best of The Tab on our app.

Clean Bandit to DJ at Jesus May Ball

No place we’d rather be.


Tab Guide to filling the post-exam void

If you have yet to finish your exams, lol.

Anglia Ruskin and Hughes Hall clash leads to capsize

Rowing is turned on its head – literally.

, Exeter Editor of The Tab

Made In Chelsea has gone to the dogs

For God’s sake, will you maintain a modicum of decorum?

, Assistant Editor

Music festivals on terror alert

Nightclubs and festivals are both at risk of Isis suicide attacks

, Features Editor

Everything Mizz magazine taught us about life in our twenties

Mum thought Sugar and Bliss were too sexy

Review: The best supermarket gin and tonic tins

Because there’s more to life than Gordon’s


NUS disaffiliation: The story so far

Three SUs have voted to disaffiliate and three have to remain

The best cheap supermarket prosecco, according to a wine expert

‘This one tastes like it’s been left in the fridge for a week’