The News From The Dark Blues

Oxford correspondent TIM WIGMORE tries it on with Emma Watson and celebrates a new strip club. Not at the same time.

Two things that certainly didn’t appear in Brideshead have dominated the chat in Oxford this week: strip clubs and kebab vans.

For students wishing to get their mind off the Oxford grind, there can be few better ways than the glories of a strip club. We had one that opened last year in the city centre – Thirst Lodge – but it didn’t last long, and it lost its license due to changes in licensing laws amidst vociferous complaints from JCRs, feminist groups and even the student union. But now it’s been given permission to open up again, just a little further from the centre.

While the manager is “very happy” and excited about the club being “even bigger” and “much more spectacular” than before, not everyone shares his enthusiasm. The Oxford Feminist Network railed against the “retro-sexist, exploitative practice” but St Ebbe’s Church begrudgingly accepted the council’s decision. Just don’t expect them to be at the burlesque shows that will mark the club’s opening next month.

Sticking with the classy theme, police are concerned about the opening of a new kebab shop directly opposite Park End (which is our version of Cindies). The City Centre Neighbourhood Police think such an obvious gathering for drunken revelers “will greatly increase the opportunity for violence, aggression and anti-social behaviour.” But everyone already has their favourite kebab place already – couldn’t the new place have done some more original fast food?

Emma Watson fever has died down somewhat. For the record: she still goes clubbing, but after she’s snubbed you once it takes a bigger man than me to keep trying. Oh well, Oxford may have a new film star. A second year at Balliol, Henry Faber, has got a starring role in a feature-length adaptation of Henry IV, which will be aired on BBC2 next year. He will continue with his Modern Languages degree, though he may miss a few weeks of term for filming.

And finally, it’s always amusing to see Harry Potter college Christ Church embarrass themselves. An electrical fire forced students to evacuate and relocate off-site for two weeks while their staircase is sorted out. Sixteen students have temporarily moved out and have been given £50 each for the hassle. Whodunnit? No one is quite sure.

  • LVM

    If I had the wings of a sparrow
    If I had the arse of a crow
    I would fly over Oxford tommorrow
    and shit on the bastards below!

  • Sebastian Flyte

    What's embarrassing about an electrical fire?

Get the best of The Tab on our app.

Which Pokémon is your college?

Find out if your college is the very best, like no one ever was…

“Friends with benefits” means nothing

The ‘friends’ part is unnecessary. The ‘benefits’ part is disappointing.


REVIEW: John and Jen

Corpus Playroom at its best.

, Deputy Editor

Degree calculator: What marks do you need to get for a 2:1?

How screwed are you?


How to check your boobs: A guide

It’s so easy

Aussie street style: Melbourne

Could you be any more laidback

We asked our mums if they hate having us back at home after university

A new study has found live-at-home adults are a £1.2 billion drain on their parents

, Features Editor

Sorry, I just don’t get Lena Dunham

She’s not an ‘inspiration’