Fresh Meat

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JESSICA O'DRISCOLL-BREEN didn't enjoy Fresh Meat. But she did pick up some Peking duck drying-based tips.

Channel 4, Wednesdays at 10pm


Brand, new drama Fresh Meat centres around the lives of six freshers at university, who move into a house together despite not knowing each other. Potential for high jinx and hilarity, right? Don’t hold your breath.

To be perfectly honest, there’s more craic in Newhnam on a Wednesday night than in this student den. Imagine the fellas from The Inbetweeners at university (except Jay’s character is now a girl called Oregon) and divide the banter they have by three. Now you have Fresh Meat. At one point in the show, Simon from The Inbetweeners (who has a new name, but plays the same character) compares the housemates to Hufflepuff students. Enough said.

At a running time of 40 minutes, the first episode of Fresh Meat did not manage to hold my Internet-warped attention for long. I watched it on 4oD, where the backdrop is a collage of tastefully edited nude photos of the cast. This is what initially distracted me, and about 20 minutes into the show, I found myself replying to emails, moisturising my feet, and looking at photos of myself on Facebook (or the Facebook-within-Facebook that it has rather bizarrely become).

The motley crew

There is one saving grace, however: the character Howard. Howard has me in stitches. The first time we meet him, he is standing in the kitchen with his willy out, drying Peking ducks with a hairdryer. Excellent. I’d do that if I had a willy. Or Peking ducks.

Vod’s character is also funny. As the token lesbian, she brings a bit of girl power to the house, which is always a good thing. She advises the other girls to get a man and just “strap him on for the night” – a phrase I am definitely going to start using. Vod also came out with the brilliant: “If I had a wrap of speed and a little bag of weed and some proper coffee and some ProPlus and a bottle of Night Nurse and some mushrooms and some books, I could bang out a statement in half an hour and it’d be brilliant. But I don’t.” Vod, girrrrrrl, I feel you. And so will all of us in a couple of weeks.


Fresh Meat isn’t meaty. Or fresh. It’s just a bit warm and fuzzy in places. I’ll give it another chance next week, purely to see what Howard and Vod come out with, but I don’t imagine I’ll manage the whole episode.

  • Fresh Meat

    2 and a half stars! This was definitely 4 or 5. Usual old tripe from The TAB!

    Dont use the dry washing machine. Useless

    Classic Line!

  • Metareviewer

    Great review. Lots of good points, nice writing style. Would read again.

  • You got beef?

    Have to say I disagree… Really enjoyed this – think the comparisons with the inbetweeners are unfair and has some interesting characters in it. Bit stereotype-y in parts but give it a few episodes to develop.

  • Smacker of Lips

    Fucking cracking review, you old horse!

  • Sing-a-by lavatory

    I love Jessica O'Breen. She floats my spleen.

  • warbling loo


  • toilette qui chante

    Love your reviews as much as poo (a lot!)

  • seranading bog


  • Rob

    Yeah, I agree. Badly acted and predictable for the most part. The middle section was just about OK, but I can't be bothered to tune in again.

  • Last and least.

    Unfair – it wasn't brilliant, yet an enjoyable show, definitely with its own entertaining lines and situations, I honestly believe it's worth more than 2.5 stars!? Trying to draw parallels between Jay from the inbetweeners and Oregon is a silly idea, they are nothing alike. There has been a lot of crap of TV in the last year, I suggest you target something else.

  • Dingleberry

    Rise appears to be on in New Zealand…

  • wgpe

    If the VC is getting a flat it will be the recently hired Edward Peck, who will be moving here from the University of Birmingham in the summer to replace Gorman.

    Granted, £590k is a substantial wedge of cash (although only a fraction in comparison to Newton and Byron developments) but if the plan is for the VC to always be housed there – talking decades – then it has major benefits as it is essentially on campus and will also be used for work-related purposes. A university owned, on-site residence for a VC is not uncommon and some universities see it as a necessity.
    Oxford’s VC has access to a property worth £3.5m, and he doesn’t share that with office space.

    As for Neil Gorman, I met with him in January and he’s nothing more than a smug old man with access to Sage Payroll. At least he’s retiring, although apparently that gives him a good enough excuse for a pay rise equivalent to the UK’s average salary. Prick.

  • John

    OK, the VC’s pay is very difficult to justify in comparison to similar roles at other universities. Maybe the new VC will correct that :) (unlikely)

    But you can see the logic of NTU grabbing the building given its position on-campus helping to cement the whole “city campus” idea leading to more or less pedestrianising Shakespeare street
    It also helps stop one of the other colleges/universities gaining a foothold next to NTU.

    Not sure about the quote from the historian as I believe the university will actually be restoring it back more to it original internal appearance compared to what was done to it by the council.
    Not sure if that is good use of uni cash admittedly.

    The uni does seem to be really concentrating on trying to improve its real estate on the various campuses after many years of neglect..

  • Connor Chivers

    Were in Bournemouth as well and have exactly the same thing with our new pet cat Reefa!

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