Sex and the Univer(City)

ROSA ROBSON talks about what being Carrie Bradshaw is like, and reveals whether your university years are best spent single.

carrie bradshaw Dating falling in love love meeting people Relationships rose robson Sex Sex And The City socialising the one university

Writing about relationships immediately plunges me into a Carrie Bradshaw-esque fantasy.

As I begin to write, I imagine myself with a super-tanned, yoga body, which is folded into a nonchalant, cross-legged bundle on a large, white bed – sort of like a sexy, dishevelled pretzel on a napkin. As I lean over my laptop, my elegant, fluid typing is only punctuated by pre-recorded rhetorical questions, courtesy of the cute voice in my head. But alas, the fantasy is just that: a fantasy. In reality, I think I’m sweating a little at the prospect of addressing the much-debated question: are our university years the best time to be single?

Soon after sitting down and starting to write, I realise that I have two options. I can either preach the virtues of committed relationships, knowingly inflicting my own exclusion from the gang’s favourite Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) dance. Or, I can condemn those who manage to pin someone down during their degree. Option One will probably result in me returning to my room, only to find ‘JUDAS’ written on my door in menstrual blood. Option Two, however, will make me sound like a bitter singleton with Daddy issues.

And so, naturally, I went for Option Two. Despite the very real threats I face for admitting this, (they don’t call me Rosa-who-is-just-like-Julian-Assange for nothing), I find it hard to accept that our university years are best spent in a relationship.

For me, a key part of going to university is meeting people. Everything at university is geared towards helping people meet like-minded folk. Look at the collegiate system, societies, various events… even Cindies. And although it’s not essential to be single in order to go about meeting people, it certainly helps to be a free agent.

Carrie Bradshaw: the ultimate single gal?

And, just as it helps to be single, it helps to go into the social arena with a ‘single attitude’. We ought to go into social situations with the aim of finding out about ourselves, rather than finding someone who is ‘right’ for us. I’m under no delusion; I know that meeting someone great won’t iron out all the horrible creases in my own personality. But, socialisation should be about building a network of friends, self-improvement, and discovery: not about hungrily searching for a healthy, long-term mating partner.

If anything, relationships hinder progression in the art of meeting new people. When innocently chatting to a new male acquaintance, what girl wants to feel like they are cheating on their boyfriend? And what boyfriend wants their girlfriend chatting to new male acquaintances? The self loathing on both sides of a relationship is akin to that of being caught breaking the three-second-rule in dirty circumstances by a beady eyed stranger. Not desirable.

What’s more, relationships can stop you experimenting with different opinions, hobbies, or types of humour. They can actually narrow your mind when you arguably need to be at your most open and outgoing. From always going to the same bar because it’s where the boyf likes to go, or not joining a choir because the GF doesn’t want to lose any of the, already restricted, time she gets to spend with you; the compromises that you have to make as one half of a relationship are just not suited to an enlightening university life.

I’ll admit, if you are lucky enough to meet The One, then you’d be mad not to grab him or her with both hands. I just can’t help but think that it’s too easy to confuse said One with a security blanket that comforts you through the challenges of university life. You see, The One would be encouraging of all the positive things that university has to offer, even if they could jeopardise your relationship because, cringe as it sounds, The One would have your best interests at heart.

So, as I draw this to a close, taking a perfectly co-ordinated last drag of my Marlboro Light and tucking a tousled strand of Manhattan-y hair behind my ear, I conclude: I think you should be single at university. Unless the right person falls into your life when you’re least expecting it.

Yeah, about as deep and fulfilling as an episode of Carrie’s best.