Revealed: How We Hoaxed TCS

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We've done over The Sun and the BNP, but ALASDAIR PAL's TCS gem from February has never been revealed. Until now...

This week, a curious ‘investigation’ appeared in TCS. And it wasn’t about the CUSU cat getting stuck up a tree.

Over a full news page, Editor Jen Mills and Associate James Burton breathlessly detailed that as an independent organisation, The Tab has to, er, build relationships with other companies in order to function.

But this isn’t the first time Burton has devoted a whole page of his paper to us. As last year’s editor, he commissioned one of the most transparent hoaxes ever seen in print: a sports feature dated February 25th on bog snorkelling written, coincidentally, under the moniker Pete Diver.

How he (or then section editor Phil Brook) didn’t spot that it was me still remains a mystery. They didn’t get the reference to ‘distinctive red livery’, or the rather tabloid-sounding ‘Sun and Star ale’. Nor did they realise that the interviewee, Mack Rivling, bears an uncanny resemblance in name to Tab founder Jack Rivlin. And the more autistic among you will realise that the ‘elite’ bog snorkelling team Outback Irons, is actually an anagram of ‘Brook is a cunt’.

TCS give a page to the most transparent newspaper hoax in history.

There are many more – my personal favourite is the pay-off line: ‘I like to keep a tab on things’ – but the point is that nobody bothered to check with the real-life inventor of big snorkelling whether he knew any of these characters (he doesn’t), or whether a group of swimming blues really are planning a Varsity match (they aren’t).

In fairness, at least our hoax was intentionally misleading – this week their sports section got the Blues Rugby score wrong, along with most of the players’ names, and forgot to replace the headline from last week.

Should TCS commission a piece from us every week?

Reproduced in glorious widescreen, I’ll let you decide…


Hoaxing pedigree

TCS were not the only publication to be haplessly hoaxed by The Tab last year. In April we delighted The Guardian and Private Eye when The Sun printed our April Fool’s story as if it was factual.

And in answer to all those writing in asking if last week’s TCS frontpage about ‘Pizza Wars’ was a Tab hoax, the answer is no. They actually wrote that story.

Someone at The Sun forgot what day it was.

  • Bahls

    When you say the tab hoaxed people. You mean yourself. You are such a media god. I worship you Mr Pal.

    • Trippin

      i want him to rub his curly locks all around my face then my ears

      • Team Rocket Grunt

        I want to sniff the crotch on his skinny jeans.

  • Hmm


    why didn't you write something about this at the time?

    • ExasperatedNeutral

      Because then they wouldn't be able to avoid awkward questions by bringing it into some seriously pathetic one-upmanship. Tab seems to have forgotten that TCS' article was in response to comments the Tab made on editorial independence. The tab has done nothing to defend itself for hypocrisy, choosing instead to prefer the same old ''Look at me, look how clever I am, look how big my cock is…. Not that one! The one on my fucking nose!'' routine.

      The tab would be so much better if they weren't such pretentious cunts. Stop wearing jack wills. Stop saying banter. Stop the shitty childish pranks. Stop grading people on their chat. Stop talking like cunts.

      All in all: start concentrating on yourselves rather than TCS/Varsity, and start acting less like cunts.

  • just wondering

    I thought the investigation itself was a hoax, maybe from varsity?

    • Shallow Hahl


    • voltorb

      if you think that hoaxing people is what make good journalist then you are wrong. maybe if tab tried to act like real newspaper people would take it seriously rathen than show clear joke from them in their tcs!

  • Mack r

    Love it

  • Keeping a Tab

    TCS did get caught out in Feb. Pretty idiotic. But this article doesn’t really give much of a response to what was pointed out in the Investigation.

    Bit more than just building ‘a relationship with other companies’, perhaps?

    • conker

      interesting perhaps that Shell are currently advertising on TCS?

      • Whats the news?

        It’s a non-cash arrangement. TCS gets free buckets of petrol.

    • Wooo Oil

      Love how the bit about Varsity and their article on shell is right next to a…shell advert.

      • ap579

        haha only just noticed that. whoops, that's embarrassing

      • Jabawokme

        TCS weren't saying they themselves are editorially independent. They were merely pointing out that the Tab were being hypocritical by having a go at TCS/Varsity whilst feigning independence themselves.

  • A Nonymous

    "And the more autistic among you…"

    Autism isn't the ability to spot patterns and rearrange anagrams. Maybe you should look at your own journalistic accuracy?

  • Simon Burdus

    TCS never report their stories properly,

    I photoshoped a picture of a bob-sleigh and emailed it to the editor and told them that we had just won the varsity match down the purpose built track in Milton Keynes.

    Check out page 28!

    Good work on checking your stories TCS!

    • Nadia Witkowski

      How clever.

      Page 18 – You were a director of TCS at the time.

      • Simon Burdus

        I wish this was you Nadia. You made TCS that year. You with your butterfly punching and Jelly Wrestling.

    • Brian

      Oh big bird, what are you like. This is literally vintage you. Someone needs to get you under control before you turn everyone nuts with your crazy behaviour. Love you 😉 B x

    • A. Jesuan

      Hold on – as good as that hoax was, it definitely wasn't you that pulled it off.

      • Simon Burdus

        It was done with help from Phil Haddleton, a fantastic prankster from Jesus!

  • nineteensixtyseven

    Interesting how the Tab fail to respond to any of the points made by TCS and instead focus on a puerile stunt that is now 8 months out of date.

    • nineteenfuckoffnow

      The Tab doesn't need to respond to this. A few free tickets for advertising a company and a perfectly legit story about an ott reaction from CUSU Ents in response to a mislabelling of a facebook group is small fry in terms of controversy, if it's even controversial at all. TCS pulling an edition of their paper due to illegal pressure attempting to affect free elections from CUSU is a lot more controversial and certainly carries a lot more weight.

      But obviously, your picture and user name does scream "marxist idiot" so I guess we should expect a luscious mixture of irrelevance, idiocy and inability to see the trees for the forest in anything you post. Probably best you go back to your padded cell and begin planning for the "revolution" mate.

  • rudiger

    April fools things are supposed to be funny. Nick Griffin being stripped of his degree wasn't that unbelievable.

    • drudgider

      I'm worried that you seem to think stripping someone of their degree because of their politics is a serious possibility.

  • Nadia Witkowski
    • George MG

      108 ppl like the link you fuckwitkowsik

  • A. Non.

    If you were a serious student newspaper you'd write proper articles, instead of maintaining a specialism in the wanton activities of the heathen population of the University. And serious papers definitely don't try to set up their competitors. At least TCS and Varsity have paper editions.

  • TABFAN296

    I dnt like TCS, it dnt have any totty

  • Autist

    A Satirical Anal Spud is an anagram for Alasdair Pal is a cunt.

  • it's a real sport
  • Peter

    Lupton was quite simply paradise. K2.14 ftw.

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