Revealed: How We Hoaxed TCS

We've done over The Sun and the BNP, but ALASDAIR PAL's TCS gem from February has never been revealed. Until now...

This week, a curious ‘investigation’ appeared in TCS. And it wasn’t about the CUSU cat getting stuck up a tree.

Over a full news page, Editor Jen Mills and Associate James Burton breathlessly detailed that as an independent organisation, The Tab has to, er, build relationships with other companies in order to function.

But this isn’t the first time Burton has devoted a whole page of his paper to us. As last year’s editor, he commissioned one of the most transparent hoaxes ever seen in print: a sports feature dated February 25th on bog snorkelling written, coincidentally, under the moniker Pete Diver.

How he (or then section editor Phil Brook) didn’t spot that it was me still remains a mystery. They didn’t get the reference to ‘distinctive red livery’, or the rather tabloid-sounding ‘Sun and Star ale’. Nor did they realise that the interviewee, Mack Rivling, bears an uncanny resemblance in name to Tab founder Jack Rivlin. And the more autistic among you will realise that the ‘elite’ bog snorkelling team Outback Irons, is actually an anagram of ‘Brook is a cunt’.

TCS give a page to the most transparent newspaper hoax in history.

There are many more – my personal favourite is the pay-off line: ‘I like to keep a tab on things’ – but the point is that nobody bothered to check with the real-life inventor of big snorkelling whether he knew any of these characters (he doesn’t), or whether a group of swimming blues really are planning a Varsity match (they aren’t).

In fairness, at least our hoax was intentionally misleading – this week their sports section got the Blues Rugby score wrong, along with most of the players’ names, and forgot to replace the headline from last week.

Should TCS commission a piece from us every week?

Reproduced in glorious widescreen, I’ll let you decide…


Hoaxing pedigree

TCS were not the only publication to be haplessly hoaxed by The Tab last year. In April we delighted The Guardian and Private Eye when The Sun printed our April Fool’s story as if it was factual.

And in answer to all those writing in asking if last week’s TCS frontpage about ‘Pizza Wars’ was a Tab hoax, the answer is no. They actually wrote that story.

Someone at The Sun forgot what day it was.

  • A Nonymous

    "And the more autistic among you…"

    Autism isn't the ability to spot patterns and rearrange anagrams. Maybe you should look at your own journalistic accuracy?

  • Simon Burdus

    TCS never report their stories properly,

    I photoshoped a picture of a bob-sleigh and emailed it to the editor and told them that we had just won the varsity match down the purpose built track in Milton Keynes.

    Check out page 28!

    Good work on checking your stories TCS!

    • Brian

      Oh big bird, what are you like. This is literally vintage you. Someone needs to get you under control before you turn everyone nuts with your crazy behaviour. Love you 😉 B x

  • nineteensixtyseven

    Interesting how the Tab fail to respond to any of the points made by TCS and instead focus on a puerile stunt that is now 8 months out of date.

    • nineteenfuckoffnow

      The Tab doesn't need to respond to this. A few free tickets for advertising a company and a perfectly legit story about an ott reaction from CUSU Ents in response to a mislabelling of a facebook group is small fry in terms of controversy, if it's even controversial at all. TCS pulling an edition of their paper due to illegal pressure attempting to affect free elections from CUSU is a lot more controversial and certainly carries a lot more weight.

      But obviously, your picture and user name does scream "marxist idiot" so I guess we should expect a luscious mixture of irrelevance, idiocy and inability to see the trees for the forest in anything you post. Probably best you go back to your padded cell and begin planning for the "revolution" mate.

  • Nadia Witkowski
    • George MG

      108 ppl like the link you fuckwitkowsik

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