Featuring porn stars, pedalos and olympic condoms.
As The Tab has shown, the phenomenon of the lad is a prominent and divisive feature of Cambridge and British society. Leaving aside questions as to whether Cambridge students can be lads, Tab sports has delved into the world of sport in search of the lad.
When it comes to getting it in the hole Tiger is the undisputed daddy. Despite being married to a Swedish swimwear-model, Tiger kept on playing the field. He’s been linked to at least 8 different mistresses including porn star Holly Sampson, who played the leading role in “OMG, stop tickling me.” The affairs created media uproar and proved profitable for certain entrepreneurs. D-Dub software released the video game “Tiger Woods affair 2010” which allows people to “play as Tiger Woods and bang porn stars and cocktail waitresses.” Being a lad didn’t pay in this case and Tiger has since made a full apology to his family.
J P R Williams
While his recent attempt to beat the breathalyser by sucking one pence coins is, quite frankly, a poor show, J P R does have an impressive history of laddery. For example, whilst playing for Bridgend against the all blacks in 1978 Williams became trapped at the bottom of a ruck. NZ prop John Ainsworth stamped on his face and tore a hole in Williams’ cheek. Williams, a trained surgeon, was unperturbed by the injury and retired from the pitch to stitch up his own injuries. He returned to the match and played on.
One of the greatest spin bowlers of all time, Warne was notorious for his off the field antics. His career is a catalogue of laddish escapades; in 1998 he was fined for accepting money from an Indian bookmaker; in 2000 he was stripped of the Australian captaincy for sending “sexts” to an English nurse and in 2003 he had an alleged affair with a Melbourne stripper. 2007 was the annus mirabilis for laddish Shane. According to the News of the World Shane lived out all his sexual fantasies with thirty-six-year old stripper Kerrie Lee. However, this rampant laddery proved too much for his wife. The couple separated in 2005 after reports Warne had been involved with a twenty-five-year old woman in a London hotel.
Freddie gets a mention for two supremely laddish incidents. In 2005 after a legendary all night drinking session, he continued his “tour”, red-eyed and bleary, by quaffing champagne with team-mates onboard England’s open-top ashes celebration bus. Then in 2007 after England’s opening match defeat to New Zealand in the ICC cricket world cup in the West Indies Flintoff and a few England coaches indulged in some heavy late night drinking. In the early hours of the morning a battered Flintoff was reported to have been rescued after falling off a pedalo.
British Olympic swimmers
The Olympic village is famous for the sheer volume of carnal activity that takes place within it. The organisers of the Beijing Olympics were aware of this fact and distributed thousands of free Olympic condoms. Perhaps the most laddish incident to have occurred was during the Seoul Olympics in 1988. Apparently, there were so many used condoms on the roof terrace of the British swimming team’s residential block the night after the swimming events finished that the British Olympic Association sent round a memo banning outdoor sex.