Cambridge Pies
The Tab runs you through this term’s reported debauchery.
The Tab runs you through this term's reported debauchery.
Week 1
There’s a new guy at King’s, he sings but he’s got a massive knob so we’ll let him off.
Some thespy type faked cramp to avoid manning up and getting his end away.
This lad pissed on the bar in Fez.
Week 2
Fat lass kicked out of her own bed after a night of gross sex, found in morning by the Bursar having missed her Marticulation photo.
Girl at John’s got a spit roasting.
Week 3
Girton lad can’t handle his booze, ends up crawling around in the curryhouse and downing a pint of shower gel.
Fresher at John’s gets lapdance from group of complete slappers.
Some small boy from Oxford pulled at New Hall, she got bored and ordered him a Taxi. He still had a boner (not that she noticed).
Week 4
A TV presenter brings back a lad and a bird to his hotel room. Then kicked out the girl and tried to shag the guy.
Little bitch fresher did a naked lap of the bar, whilst drinking society lads jerked off.
Recent graduate returned to Cambridge for a night on the lash, ended up in Addenbroke’s where he puked all over himself and the hospital ward.
Week 5
Some Boatie somehow got a girl back to his room, he didn’t shag her though cos he had rowing in the morning.
Two posh boys shat on the library steps.
After a session on the booze, a guy fell into the moat at Trinity. He got wet.
Week 6
Twins in bar brawl, both got deaned and are banned from future bops.
This lass got pissed on Champagne in her supervision, and got her rat out, probably.
A guy pissed in the college bar. He took his costume of fireman too seriously and confused his knob with a hose.
Week 7
Girl locked boy out of room after shit sex. The Porters lent him a coat.
Girl wanked off a guy at the Mahal, she vomited all over his cock, probably.
This guy mistakes the dirty waitress for fat-arsed catering manager.
Week 8
After a swap girl goes back with guy, he pissed on her and blamed her in the morning.
Someone saw a couple shagging in Christ’s garden. In the bum, probably.
A lad downed a pint of his own piss, and then shagged some desperate bint with self-esteem issues.
Week 9
Girl sticks fingers up a guys bum.A guy pulled four of his friends. Must have been a slow week if this got in.
Girl walked in on her supervisor after he’s just got his end wet. Lad!