We asked 4 Bristol girls to review some Bristol boys’ tinder profiles

Swiping away on Tinder in Bristol is an exciting experience filled with interesting characters, hot young intellectuals, and a large helping of UWE students.

Although the app offers a uniquely Bristolian pool of people to us, a very common problem plagues many of our attempts at finding ‘love’ – men swipe right to everything and women are very picky.

This creates an experience where women wake up to find 20 messages from new matches every morning and most men acquire 1/10 of the attention that their female counterparts do.

To help improve the state of Bristol men’s tinder game and try to level this playing field we asked 4 University of Bristol women to review some tinder profiles of the opposite sex.

We hope that the positive criticism shows you what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong.

Your 4 brutally honest female judges are:

All the male profiles included in this article were given willingly by eager participants in this exciting case study.

Profile 1 – Ollie Tasker

Daisy: 

Not Oliver, not Oli, but Ollie. The choice of abbreviation is crucial here, as Ollie opts for the slightly more feminine and approachable version of his name, though perhaps Liver would’ve given him more of a Bristol edge. Unfortunately for Ollie, his adorable dog takes pride of place in the first photo, though the facial similarities are striking. The presence of two cages is potentially suggestive of an interest in S & M, but maybe that’s just me.

His second photo tells us he’s got a bit of money. The background looks like an up market holiday location, while he’s in a restaurant that gives you bread – Ollie is a well classy boy.

His bio continues the carb theme, talking us through his takeaway tendencies. This shows us he’s in fact not too posh, but actually just like us, though remember he does like skiing. The use of emoji’s is cute and it’s good that he likes to cook, not ignoring the fact that he’s a drinker (hopefully not another alcoholic).

Overall, Ollie’s profile portrays the fact that he is an attractive and physically active individual, the latter being of great importance. I suppose we can forgive his betrayal of Jason Donervan.

Livi: 

Ollie mate, you maybe stroking that dog, but that is no indication of how well you can stroke my pussy.

Also its next to a fucking cage, are you trying to hint you’re a massive control freak? I bet you are, Oliver. You put your interests as Tennis and Squash, that’s practically the same thing, you boring fuck.

Okay, you might be okay looking but you look as wet as a fish.

Chloe:

The first photo is like catnip to me, because I can’t resist cute dogs. This is a clever twist on the usual dog photo, because I can see there are TWO puppy prisons behind him, which means that this guy is harbouring another dog somewhere. The prospect of multiple dogs is something that’s going to get people swiping. Bring me your dogs, Ollie.

Both the photos being solo shots gets rid of the worry that you could be the least attractive one in the group, but it also presents another concern. Where are all your friends, Ollie? I assume you must have some deep flaw that repels humans, leaving you lonely and friendless.

One thing I’ve noticed from the photos is that this guy kind of reminds me of a really happy cute seal.

Including your snapchat username within your bio is such a huge turn-off. I instantly assume that you’re purely using tinder to be sent nudes, and you’re too lazy to even wait to give your snapchat details to someone following an interesting conversation.

Carys: 

I’m always a fan of men with dogs in their pictures, definitely a strong start. Kinda looks like he just posed with a random shelter dog for the tinder though.

Nothing says keen like putting your snapchat on your bio immediately. Gotta make ‘em work for it, dude!

Also, no sober person on this planet actually likes M&Ms kebabs… this is the kinda guy that tells you he loves a laugh/ lives for the sesh/ has a crazy social life but actually sits at home all evening rewatching Archer.

Profile 2 – Lucky Dube

Daisy:

Lucky has created a very dapper profile indeed, through a combination of tortoise shell glasses and pocket squares. He clearly got the memo that girls like a man in a suit, even if it is a tweed one. He’s included an attractive girl in his photos, which hints at the kind of standards he’s expecting.

There also seems to be a Lucky and a half in the second picture, which, when you take into account the glasses, pretty much proves he’s related to Harry Potter. Though the word ‘addict’ does ring a few alarm bells, at least it’s tea rooms and not heroin.

Lucky is a music student, but before we assume his tastes are all Mozart and Beethoven, he tells us he is in fact a ‘Dub and Jungle enthusiast’, I’m just relieved that he didn’t say addict. I’m sure in the first photo he is scrolling through a section of suitably edgy music to match the tie and scarf combination.

So, bearing in mind he is President of the Bristol Journalism Society, I sure am up all night to get Lucky.

Livi:

Lucky, you sound like an exciting guy from your profile, but there’s no way in hell I would swipe right. Is that blonde bitch your girlfriend? Or ex-girlfriend? No fucking way.

That makes you look like a twat either way, and even if you are ‘just friends’ she is way too pretty to be hanging around you all the time.

Not going to lie, you’ve got some style, I’ll give that to you, but the pocket thing makes me mini sick in my mouth.

Chloe:

You get the unfair advantage of having a cool name, meaning that girls are instantly more likely to swipe for you simply to ask why/what/when/how.

The first photo is a little too staged. If you’re going to do the dramatic facing away from camera thing, you have to seem too distracted by something beautiful around you to possibly notice the photo being taken.

I feel that your outfit choices have the potential to polarise Bristol students. I’m a big fan of the look, and the posh types who aren’t currently hiding their true status under 90s sportswear and hoop earrings would definitely be drawn in by the whole eccentric billionaire uncle who speaks entirely in 50s slang vibe you’ve got going on. To the edgier population of Bristol, the dandy look may remind them too much of the fancy life they’re running from.

The second photo presents a problem that’s worse than too many group shots: a photo of you with a girl. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see that a guy has female friends, but if it’s a photo of just you and one attractive female it sets off the crazy in me. I’m instantly assuming she’s either an ex girlfriend or someone you’re desperately in love with.

Carys:

Nice little boast at the start there, nothing wrong with showing off a tad.

Ambiguous pictures with girls tend to be a warning sign. Is he in a relationship? Serial monogamist looking for a new girl to look after him? Fuckboy with ten different girls with the surname ‘tinder’ in his phone?? Who knows?

I’m liking the pictures though, well dressed, clean cut. Indirect picture is definitely a good starter

Profile 3 – Conrad Young

Daisy:

Clearly a champagne socialist, Conrad has carefully manipulated his profile to avoid lying, while also obscuring the truth.

The doubts begin when he steals lyrics to describe himself as ‘a small town boy’, despite originating from a city with a population approaching 9 million. Sure, he is his mum’s favourite chid, but he fails to mention he’s her only one.

While Conrad backs up his musical claims using photographic evidence, he does not disclose the fact that the only people his band performs to is actually the local deaf community. Also, I’m pretty sure that the instrument in the first picture is neither drum set nor guitar – the plot thickens. I guess this just proves that you can never trust a journalist.

In an attempt at redemption, Conrad has a good magic pitta preference and he doesn’t look too bad in a tux.

Livi: 

I love that funny part about you being your mum’s favourite child, Conrad. You must be a funny guy. But… what it also tells me is that you are way too close to your Mum. That’s not sexy.

You write for the Tab, so you’re definitely a twat.

That band pic is doing nothing to persuade me, guys who play music are moody af, and I’m not the type to be dealing with tantrums.

Plus, the name “Conrad” does nothing for me. Bye.

Chloe:

Having your role as editor on your profile is an immediate catch. There’s nothing more attractive than authority, and even if the only power you really yield is to choose who’s writing the next ‘Which crap daytime TV show is your halls of residence’ article, that’s enough to get a right swipe.

The first photo works to draw in girls who are interested in meeting someone who will offer them the finer things in life, but are willing to accept being subordinated by an ego. The serious look off camera, combined with the slight pout and raised champagne flute screams ‘I’m better than you, and I know it’.

The second photo works as a nice antithesis to the previous one. Being casually dressed, and playing in a band adds just enough edge to wear down the arrogant posh boy vibe given off in the first photo. More boys should pose as part of a band, because no matter what the level of skill is, musicians are always hot.

Onto the bio: the lyric is actually something I’ve not seen before on Tinder, so props for individuality. However, quotes from Mum are just SO overused, and as such should only be included in the bio if the quote is excessively embarrassing or if it’s an example of your Mum ripping you to shreds with her cutting remark. Also, I’m so over boys including their heights in their bio. You really don’t need to! Well done for mentioning TWO instruments. Ability to play one is hot so having two on there is just double hotness.

Carys:

Editor at the tab…that ain’t something to shout about mate, let alone putting it on there twice

The random quotes from random people thing is SO overdone, this is the kinda guy you’d sleep with once and instead of actually holding a conversation afterwards he’d proceed to send you ten memes a day for the next two weeks until you just lead his messages on unread

Musicians are instantly 69% hotter so at least this guy has something going for him

His second picture is a bit risky…always dangerous directly comparing yourself to your hotter friends. You know we’re just wishing that bassist on the left will pop up next

Profile 4 – Timi Ariyo

Daisy:

An intriguing spelling for an equally intriguing boy. Timi undeniably has a 10/10 smile, though you cannot see his eyes in either photo, which is slightly alarming. The two backgrounds are suggestive of two sides of his personality. While we are offered a bright blue swimming pool (hopefully his) in one, this is contrasted by a gloomy door in the other, which is perhaps a sign of split personality disorder.

The first photo uses hand gesture to reveal Timi to be a peace promoting pacifist, which is surely a desirable quality. Yet, the second shows he is a true Bristol boy, as he wears a denim jacket, cool hat and there is potentially his street tag on the door behind him.

This confusing personality is made increasingly ambiguous by the fact that he has clearly lied and made himself 3 years older than he actually is on Facebook. His bio is short and elusive, with ‘holla’ heightening his bad boy persona.

I’d say this profile has created just the level of mystery he has strived for, surely encouraging you to slide into his DMs and find out more.

Livi:

Timi, you look nice. But I see that you’re throwing a peace sign my way in that first pic. No, this puts me off completely. I’m not a peaceful gal, and you clearly like things chilled.

You make it seem like you’d always want it missionary, or maybe I’d have to go on top because you’d be so calm you’d just lie there, and let me do all the work. Not how I roll.

I don’t like guys who wears hats, so fuck this Timi. I’m not going to be hollering at you any time soon.

Chloe:

You’re SO SMILEY and combined with the peace sign in the first photo, this makes me think that you’d be a really nice guy to spend time with which is a swipable quality. The swimming pool in the first photo being in such a sunny setting makes me hope that you’d be able to take me to a place like that, and in the midst of the gloomy Bristol weather, there’ll be a lot of girls enticed by the prospect of a holiday.

The chilled setting is the only thing that makes the peace sign acceptable though. There is a risk that girls will assume that you’ll do the peace sign in multiple photos, and it’ll take them back to being 12 and taking cringe photos in the mirror with that exact same pose.

The second photo is good, because the black and white makes me think you’re artsy, and the outfit is so on point. Well dressed men is a great thing, and the fact that you’re smiling with it shows that you’re not arrogant like a lot of presentable guys can be. Hats are a bold move though, and could polarise opinion.

Your bio is basically non-existent, which means that you’re essentially relying on photos alone to get a swipe. This could make you come across as cynical, because you’re assuming girls will only care about photos and not about anything else.

Carys:

Loving the summer/winter comparison. Get you a guy who can do both, people

Nothing screams fuckboy like your age being wrong. It’s not that hard to change it.

Otherwise, pretty standard, basic profile. Nothing too captivating but sometimes simple does the trick

Profile 5 – Ricardo Melissason

Daisy:

Ricardo clearly likes to get his flesh out, with two arousing photos of his desirable physique. As he sensually lifts up his kilt, the mystery his bio has created comes into full force. His name sounds Mediterranean, he wears a Scottish outfit, yet he offers 3 different English locations of origin. He’s like Bristol universities answer to Big Foot.

Ricardo is athletic, but while his photo shows him playing tennis, he doesn’t even list this as one of his sporting interests. He’s been educated at the elite Winchester College, which explains the interest in skiing and probably a whole lot more.

Luckily, all of those years at an all-boys boarding school have taught him how to cook up a good sausage. Breakfast is clearly a tactical choice of meal, as you would probably have to stay over in order to sample this sausage, or he could just lift his kilt up a little higher.

I can easily believe Ricardo is a false identity, probably covering up for something dreadful like Fitzwilliam or Archibald. Either way, let’s go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for Ricardo to walk in.

Livi:

Ricardo, why the fuck is your name Ricardo. Is it actually just Richard but that’s just too boring for you so you’re trying to spice it up? How lame are you?

Also, a shirtless pic on tinder? You little slut. Plus, trying to show some thigh as well? Put some clothes on ffs. You are coming across so keen, and I’m starting to doubt whether your breakfasts are legendary at all.

I’ll be swiping left. Also, no one gives a fuck you went to private school you posh twat.

Chloe:

WHY A TOPLESS TENNIS PHOTO. I don’t think guys realise that the minute they’re shirtless in an environment that usually requires shirt wearing, it’s just so off-putting and annoying.

The kilt photo redeems this. It’s really silly, and that means you don’t take yourself seriously which is a good thing. The kilt makes people wonder if you’ve got a Scottish accent, and accents are hot. In a city that is absolutely inundated by the same home counties drawl, a chance that you might hear David Tennant-esque tones is definitely a draw-in.

Onto the bio, having three places you seem to consider home is interesting, but could lead to confusion. Why do you live in three places? If you’re that non-committal with your homes, what does that mean for any future connection?

Good air of mystery added by saying Ricardo may not be your real name. This is the kind of thing that would make me wonder: are you a secret agent with a hidden identity, or are you just the victim of a tragic frape? Either way, I wanna know, and that’ll get you swiped.

Breakfast comment kind of comes off a little sleazy, because on a dating app it sounds like you’ve tested out your breakfast making abilities on tons of girls following one night stands. Which, to be honest, could be a really good thing, because I’ve not met many people who offer any sustenance to their conquests, let alone it be ‘legendary’.

Carys:

Where tf is Lymington and why do I care

Your breakfasts are legendary? So subtle…although to be honest it is a pretty strong profile. Standard, reliable pictures.

It’s always risky going shirtless on your pictures but at least this isn’t too in your face and he isn’t posing

I’m sure he’s not doing too bad for matches

Profile 6 – Joe Mawson

Daisy:

Joe’s got a good smile and likes a selfie, so we’re off to a good start. We can see him from a different angle in both photos, showing he’s not just a one pose kind of guy. He also has at least two different friends, who are even willing to join him in his selfie shenanigans.

Joe has helpfully included emoji’s, pointing out that he wears a shirt and tie, because he studies business. I guess that would be an improvement on the zip up polo. He works in Recruitment, so he’s hopefully got a few brain cells. As for the final line, this would probably put me off having him recruit me.

Another witty use of emoji suggests that football is in fact life supporting for Joe, which is not an illness I’ve come across before. While this shows him to be athletic, it also hints at over-drinking, swearing and potentially aggression. This theory is pretty much proven by the fact that there is an empty looking pint glass in front of him. Maybe he could swap the football for a daisy emoji?

Livi:

I don’t know what an NVQ really is, but I also don’t really care. It hardly sounds like the route to success and even if it was, it’d be the only thing going for you.

The look you’re giving the camera in both your pics makes me shiver – in a bad way. Don’t know why but the image of you engaging in intimacy is terrifying. I also feel like, you’d probably be more keen to be intimate with the guy on your left in that first picture, you look hard for him.

And he also seems game, so get off tinder and go fuck that guy instead. Thanks xxx

Chloe: 

The first photo is the worst one to have as the opener- a photo of you and one of your male friends. A group photo is alright as the starter, because from that photo there’ll be many that could possibly be you. When that number is reduced to just two, even the least shallow amongst us will make a snap decision about which one is more their type, and if you’re not the chosen one of the duo, it’ll lead to intense disappointment when they swipe to the next photo.

The location of the first photo is quite odd. You’re not in a club, out on a sunny day, or in any sort of scenario that would result in a selfie that is main picture worthy.

The second one is another duo photo, which isn’t too bad if it’s after at least 1 photo where we can clearly establish which person you are. However, this doesn’t mean that this is any more acceptable than the original duo choice, because there’s a worse crime committed here. There’s clearly someone cropped out of the photo, and cropping out your friend is one of the most harsh things that can possibly happen. It’s a shame because you’re really smiley which makes me think you’d be a nice guy, but its the cruel grin of a man who would so callously cut a friend out of a photo.

Your bio is seriously lacking in personality. I don’t think enough guys realise that even the most dreadful of photos can be salvaged by an amazing bio. This only gets worse because the only hint about your likes and dislikes is that football is your life. Anyone who has ever been involved in a three way relationship with a man and football will know how those words fill you with dread.

Carys:

I like his pictures, it’s always a pro to just have chilled pictures with your mates.

Could have shown a bit of variety though, rather than every picture just being a selfie in a pub… Pretty plain profile overall, it’s good not to reveal too much but you gotta give us a little bit of intrigue.

Where’s the ambiguous travel photo? The strange sport? The picture of you with an ambiguous female? The cheesy pun? Gotta put in a little bit more effort my good man.