What’s the best food to have on a date?

So the impossible has happened – you’ve got a date. Congratulations. Well done. Amazing. Your parents will be so proud. They might finally stop trying to set you up with every single male over the age of 18 they encounter.

Suddenly your ego is getting that boost it’s been needing. You’ve been finding yourself overwhelmed by uni, deciding what to do with your life and having to avoid rolling your eyes when dealing with the irritating, patronising comments that come with being friends with people who are in relationships such as (for example) “Honestly Celina you’re so lucky that you’re single, having to organise Valentine’s Day is such an effort”. Is it? Is it really? Shame.

So someone asks you out. And then comes the question you’re dreading. “Where do you want to go?”. This might seem like a simple decision but it’s not. What you eat on your date pretty much decides your whole future.

Salad

This seems simple enough, right? You had a heavy lunch so you fancy something light – you’ll just order a salad. This is a rookie mistake. Even if you’re on a diet, you actually like the taste or just feel bad about eating a packet of Sainsbury’s cookies half an hour ago, you absolutely cannot order salad on a date. Why’s that, you ask?

But it looks so yummy 🙁

Simple really. If you order a salad on a date then you become “the girl who ordered salad”. This is only slightly better than being “the girl who only drinks white wine” and definitely worse than being “the girl who says she’s not hungry but steals other people’s food”.

Burgers

Being friendzoned

Burger = onions. Think about that for a minute. Do you fancy getting with someone after you’ve had a mouthful of onions? Going for a burger is the fastest way to friend zone a date.

Chinese

Literally no one knows how to use chopsticks properly. Even if you think you do, you don’t. Don’t embarrass yourself. Not on your first date at least.

Pizza

There are two types of people in the world. Those who eat pizza with their hands and the knife-and-forkers. If you’re part of the latter group then it’s best to avoid pizza dates. You’ll be judged for not using your hands. I know that you’re just doing it so you don’t ruin your lipstick but chances are your date won’t understand.

Being judged

There’s also added pressure to order wine when you’re eating pizza and you don’t want to sit there awkwardly while you and your date stare at the wine list and try to pretend like you know the difference between a Merlot and a Rioja before you both inevitably settle for the second-cheapest (because of course, no one wants to look cheap by picking the actual cheapest).

Curry

A curry is actually a good shout. You’re not with your friends who tease you for not being able to deal with anything hotter than a korma. You can be yourself, let loose a little. The important thing here is to make sure it’s a decent place and the date won’t result in Delhi belly because that’s a sure way to kill the mood. You won’t get eye contact let alone a second date if the first one resulted in Delhi belly.

Nando’s

Absolutely nothing cheeky about this. Do you think if Shakespeare had been alive today Romeo and Juliet would’ve risked their lives for a few precious moments together to go for a cheeky Nando’s? Was there a Nando’s on board the Titanic? Did Hugh Grant take Julia Roberts to a Nando’s in Notting Hill? Definitely not. And there’s a reason for that.

Never in the history of the world has anyone ever uttered the words “I had a great Nando’s date last night”. Take your friends, take your parents, take whoever, just don’t take your date to Nando’s.

Just no

Fish filet

There’s a reason why Kanye and Jay Z gave fish filet a shout out. It’s literally the perfect date food. Fish filet is sophisticated yet modest. It’s fun and flirty and it’ll leave you wanting more. It’s what a pre-vegan Gwyneth Paltrow would’ve ordered on a date. It’s the kind of food someone like Emma Watson would eat and she’s dating a Silicon Valley entrepreneur. Clearly she’s doing something right.

No dinner

Just drinks?

This one is risky. If you’re drinking but not eating the chances are that you’ll get pretty smashed pretty quickly. Although at first you might be worried that your date will be able to hear your rumbling stomach – they’ll be drunk too (unless your date isn’t as much of a lightweight as you are, in that case the relationship wouldn’t last very long in the first place). However, it’s a sure way to break the ice and it’s cheap without looking cheap.