Bristol consumes more coke and mandy than any other EU city

An analysis of Bristol’s waste water found that there is more gak in the city’s sewers than in Paris, Berlin or Milan.

The European Drug Monitoring Body have been quite literally taking the piss.

The EU have been monitoring our drug taking habits by testing the sewer water of over 50 European cities annually to reveal traces of the most commonly used drugs: cocaine, MDMA, cannabis and methamphetamine.

It was found that Bristolians take the highest amount of Ecstasy in Europe according to the study.

They found in Bristol’s waste water, an average of 248.3mg of cocaine per 1,000 people, which increased on the weekend to 290.1mg per 1,000.

This means Bristol ranks 16th out of 50, above Paris and Berlin.

However, levels of MDMA found in waste water had us flying high, all the way up to number 8 for ecstasy use.

These findings back a report by the Drinking Water Inspectorate last year that found that cocaine use has become so rampant in the UK that it has begun to contaminate our drinking water supply.

Therefore, the Bristolian brain is far more serotonin drained than that of other European cities, perhaps accounting for the university’s poor student satisfaction ratings.

Let’s hope the Guardian takes this into account next time.