Calling Gatecrasher ‘Pryzm’ won’t change a thing

When the infamous Gatecrasher had its licence revoked by Birmingham City Council in late November, there were few people mourning its loss. It was a hive of violence, overpriced drinks and BCU freshers. It was shut after its own bouncer stabbed a clubber with a homemade weapon, clearly taking his job to prevent violence very seriously.

Gatecrasher has now reopened under new management as Pryzm. Students around the country were apparently raving about their very own Pryzms, but will this change anything?

Changing the name of the venue isn’t suddenly going to calm down its original fans. There will still be rowdy locals expecting a grimy night in Gatecrasher piling through the doors. Perhaps they’ll be disappointed by the presence of the much anticipated disco room, but this won’t decrease rowdy drunken fights over spilt Jagerbombs.

Your night will still begin in a ridiculous queue surrounded by non-students trying to convince girls to ditch their ticket for a night of luxury back at home with them. You’ll still be waiting around in that weird lobby thing to ascend to the scenes of deprivation that is the Gatecrasher building. Why are that many rooms necessary? How many rooms actually are there? Has anyone conquered all of them? And once you’ve lost your friends it’s pretty much common knowledge that you won’t find them now until you graduate.

Never saw him again

Beyond the disastrous floor plan, Gatecrasher just lacked what places like Fab use to draw us in time and time again. A classic playlist. The buzz awaiting as you hand the bouncer your ticket. The joy of bumping into people in your seminar you have no intention of talking to ever again. The disappointment of the looming Gatecrasher building as the final stop in bar crawls is one that takes years of emotional healing to overcome. There’s no triumph like when you step foot in Stuesdays, no ecstatic joy as you get your first glimpse of the literal block of cheese DJ in Snobs.

I mean is it really a battle tho?

Even before you make it to Pryzm, you’ll face the classic Gatecrasher struggles. The dilemmas that arise approaching a night out at a club with no identity won’t evaporate with a shiny new makeover and a vibey name. Do you wear trainers? Do you wear heels? Let’s be honest; it’s no Mechu.

Whether you loved or hated Gatecrasher (probs hated), there’s no escaping that  a shiny new sign will change absolutely nothing about Broadstreet’s most dismal night out. The ghost of Gatecrasher will loom over us forever and there’s no way to deny it.