You’ve been spending way too long in the library

I miss Snobs

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While a sanctuary for many, the library has a tendency to suck you in, and you’ll find yourself spending way too long there. Starting to forget what cleanliness smells like?

The Great Escape

When you start using the toilet as a sanctuary to collect your thoughts and have a little time away from your piling revision, it’s time to go home.

‘I’m not weird, I’m just zen’

Greasy hair is more than just a fashion choice

Now you’re living in the library, dry shampoo has become your new library BFF. You’re constantly scratching your head while wondering what is was you just read, and why the hell you took your course. Greasy hair is just a symptom of all the confusion.

Forget this on your three day stint and you’re screwed

Was that really you in the mirror?

There’s not much point making an effort with your hair though, as you don’t even recognise yourself when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the bathroom, or accidentally open your Snapchat on the selfie camera. It’s a horror show. Let’s just hope the bags under your eyes aren’t too real… yet.

‘God, I need more concealer. Who even is that?’

Snapchat is the ultimate procrastination

Because of your appearance the front camera is off, but you can still Snapchat. Your story consists of your efforts at procrastination, which is basically arranging your piles of notes in an arty way to emphasise how much work you’ve done. We all know you’ve put your most impressively laid out sheets of paper on the top, and, by the way, highlighting doesn’t really count as revision… sorry.

We know you’ve done less work than you’ve made it seem

Great Escape part 2 : The desperation

If you finally pull yourself away from your desk, you’ll step outside and find yourself breathing a little too deeply, having deprived your body of fresh air for too long. Who knew the smoky, chillingly cold Birmingham air would ever be what you were craving? The feeling of stepping through the revolving doors, knowing you’re not going to return (for a few hours) is the happiest you’ve felt all day.

Sweet, sweet freedom

The sacrifice of your long term health 

Now you’ve experienced the freedom of fresh air, you’re just dying to get back out there again. So you’ve taken up smoking just to get outside. Your long term health is a risk you’re willing to take to get outside and make sure everyone realises how stressed you are.

Is this how you do the smoke?

Introducing alcohol 

As well as a new smoking addiction, you’ve become a borderline alcoholic and have considered topping up your coffee flask with gin or some other tipple which makes you think of better times. Anything to get you through another four hours of revision.

‘It’s just a latte, I swear’

The sugar rush

Alcohol won’t always cut it though. You’ve been popping the Pro Plus like they’re Jelly Tots, and you seek out the cheapest energy drink in Spar to keep you going throughout the day. And night. And the next day…

Your eyes have glazed over, your heart is thumping at 1,000 beats per minute and you may not be able to function properly any more, but you’ve convinced yourself you’ll be okay as long as the caffeine is flowing.

Who cares what the recommended daily dose of caffeine is?

The avoidance stage

Eventually you’ll find yourself doing anything to avoid getting back to work. Talking to the guy you met once in freshers and didn’t really like, writing bitchy comments on Tell Him/Tell Her about all the annoying people you’re surrounded by… Definitely in denial.

When you realise you’re going to fail your degree

If you find yourself doing any of these, or all, do yourself a favour: put away the pro plus, and scuttle on home for a well deserved nap. You are no use to anyone in such a state.