Holylands Bachelor of the week: Ronan Devlin

“Has to be into her GAA, makes a good cup of ‘tae’ and if she can speak Irish then all the better. Nice wee body helps too.”

This is a description of a perfect woman by this week’s bachelor Ronan Devlin. The Toome man is famous for his traditional values and has “no time” for this skinny jean, long hair, top button done fashion sense of this generation.

Ronan describes himself as “a real man’s man, one of the few left in his era”. He would far rather have his wellies on than a pair of New Balance trainers and would rather be caught dead than in a pair of chinos.

But he’s not just some country bumpkin. The boy has brains to burn currently studying at St Mary’s University with the ambition of becoming a Maths teacher, so don’t let his dialect fool you.

When he’s not at uni he’s either kicking ball for Gaelic club Cargin, on the farm whipping the blue pipe, watching a film with a cup of “tae” by the fire or throwing the most dad-like shapes you have ever seen on various dance floors across Belfast. When asked whether he wanted a girlfriend he replied with “Jaysus we’ve time enough for that carry on yet, maybe next year when I’m on placement.”

He may not be the most conventional bachelor of this day and age but he’s not stuck for admirers as his housemates claim he’s pulled his fair share of ladies but just likes to keep it on the down low.

His sentimental values are definitely not what attract the ladies however as his traditional methods have resulted in a few sticky situations. One housemate recalls a night out in Fly where he bumped into a girl he was friendly with only to find her drunk and crying her eyes out. Bemused by crying and what purpose it serves Ronan did his best to muster up some form of concern and asked “em so what’s wrong with ye?” to which she replied with a blubber of high pitch wailing and sniffling.

Confused, bored and simply not interested he perked up and said “Aye well erm, tighten up sure” followed by a light pat on the arm and off he went. His housemates later tried to explain to him why it might have seemed insensitive to normal people. Ronan was convinced he handled the matter appropriately.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this student, particularly as he is seems to personify everything about Irish culture, is he doesn’t drink alcohol.

He has nothing against it and enjoys going out as much as the average student he just feels he doesn’t need it. He is already just high on life and has deep rooted confidence to make a fool of himself without the help of a few brewskies. Housemates claim he’s the craziest on a night out between all of them and can keep up with the craic even when everyone is else is off their tits.

Ronan lives for the craic whether it’s 1am or 1pm, he’s always on and never has to deal with the dreaded hangover. After a night out he always goes for a roam around the ‘Lands in search of, what he calls, “Tae houses”. This is a house occupied by females who will provide both banter and “tae”.

It’s a stroke of genius really because asking for a cuppa is non-threatening, friendly, traditional and a great ice breaker. He has several “Tae houses” which he ventures to after nights out but is always on the look for more. Ronan believes women find it refreshing compared to the usual drunk idiots banging on their door with sick down their shirt, shouting nonsensical statements and making it blatantly obvious all their looking is to get lucky.

So if you’re a girl who is sick of these well-groomed, fancy pants, vain generation of boys then maybe a bit of tradition is what you need. But be warned, if you’re looking for someone to share a public display of affection with you then you may turn the other way and grab yourself some cunt in a snapback who likes to share meaningful quotes on Facebook because Ronan is not your man.