Everybody you’ll meet at the campus gym

The gym is a great place to go people watching; students from all walks of life congregate at our cramped facility as they attempt to get fit. But there are some who stand out more than others. Here is The Tab’s definitive list of everybody you’ll meet at Aber gym.

The arm-day-is-every-day guy

It’s all about arm day

One regular visitor to the local gym is the arm-day-is-every-day guy. He’s also known as no legs guy. You can usually tell who he is by checking how he likes to tense his biceps and by the fact he doesn’t leave the weights section all day. He will be back regularly and is training meticulously – just no other muscle than his biceps and triceps. It’s all about them hench looks in his shirt and t-shirt when on the pull in Yoko’s, and he knows it.

The girls who don’t leave the girl’s weight room

There is a hidden section in the upstairs part of the campus gym that is home to lots of beautiful international girls doing group sessions of lunges and crunches. They spend regular hours in there, away from the testosterone-driven male gym goer and make the insanity workout look like a sunny walk in the parc. Being with them also confuses the average gym person, as Korean, Norwegian, or other languages make the sound of the girl’s weight room. They don’t care who you are, as long as you let them work on their shape.

The TV marathon runners

Can’t beat Jeremy Kyle at the gym

Some people love to lift weights or shake their stress off in zumba classes. But that’s just not for everyone. Particularly girls love going to the gym for their daily Jeremy Kyle sesh. You can spot them on the treadmills and cross trainers, staring at the TV screen. Alternatively, they listen to the latest Justin Bieber track on the newest iPhone with whipping pony tails and stylish Nike sportswear.

The amateur

The amateur is the one person that clearly does not know how to use any of the equipment in the gym either because he/she is too scared to ask for help, or their ego is too big to take anyone’s advice. YouTube videos will teach you all you need to know. The amateur comes running into the gym in between lectures and seminars, hops onto the nearest gym instruments, but fails massively because he/she doesn’t know how to do a proper leg workout. That person usually leaves the gym as fast as he/she came, thinking they’ve just done some major exercise and deserve the next double hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows from Starbucks at the Union.

The group sport people

It’s all about having fun

Zumba, yoga, pilates, full-body-workout… there are many options for the group sports person to choose from. That person generally likes to do sports, but in a social environment that fits their busy schedule better than the intense LAX and hockey training sessions. Those people usually have a lot of fun in life and like to just shake it off whenever exams and essays get too stressful. You can spot them as they like to wear clothes that are equally as colourful and joyful as their personalities.

The gym posers

Getting shredded bro

This is an illusive, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it gym goer. The gym poser only appears for brief periods of time as it quickly works up a sweat, takes a selfie and downs a protein shake. Often more preoccupied with the lighting and their hair, rather than working out posers don’t hang around in the gym for long for fear of getting sweat on their Ralph Lauren shirt or Beats headphones.

The ‘bros’

These guys are hard to miss, usually sporting a snap-back and a tightly fitted vest, the bros hang around in the weights room or by the shoulder presses. They have a whole language to themselves, all revolving around the word “bro” to bond them as they get “shredded/ripped/cut”, they’ll describe their workout as “extreme” and have a vest that says “Beast mode”, as it makes them slightly more hench. Their life is the gym.

The machine hoggers

It’s nice to have a machine to yourself

Either appearing individually or in groups of three these people occupy machines for hours at a time, rotating between themselves as they complete group sets. Often obnoxiously loud and awkwardly blocking the already narrow walkway these people are amongst the most annoying gym goers.

The keen cyclist

This guy is a professional, or at least wishes he was. Head-to-toe in the finest science has to offer in terms of cycling gear they’ll sit on the exercise bike, legs wiring for hours at a time, eyes fixated on the wall in front of them as they attempt to beat Bradley Wiggins’ world record.

The seasoned veterans

Weights room is for pros

For these guys and gals the gym is a way of life, they go everyday without fail and it’s always the same people. They silently nod to one another as they power through their daily routine, they are impressive specimens, rippling with muscle but are modest and humble to speak to, having a greater understanding of gym etiquette. Most of them are part of a sports club, like Rugby or Football.

The humble gym goer

Always offer your protein

This is possibly the best person you’ll meet in the gym. It’s not a way of life, they haven’t invested heavily in it, they are quiet and reserved, keeping to themselves as the shuffle through their routine. Often trying to add a bit of definition or shift a few pounds these people aren’t trying to be Olympic athletes, just fitter individuals. They don’t want to compete or irritate or even socialise. They are just there.