A student’s guide to escorts in Aberdeen

Prostitution may be the world’s oldest profession, though with advancements in technology you no longer have to physically trawl the docks of Aberdeen to find a shag.

Though today it’s not technically prostitution – that would be the sleazy “paid for” sex. These days being an ‘escort’ is the name of the game.

In hiring an escort you are apparently charged “for her time and companionship only. Anything else that occurs is a matter of coincidence and choice between consenting adults.”  Wink wink.

Desperate dirty men paying to chat with young buxom blondes and brunettes? Lucky them.

In this 21^st century sex fest, the crème de la crème of Aberdeen’s escort service are just a Google search away for those who can’t manage a mere “Can I buy you a drink?” to a girl in a club.

Escort Scotland seems to be the Mecca of these dirty deeds. There are 47 female escorts for you to pay by the hour, and for all you novices out there, they even offer a check list of each of their particular “skill-sets”.

The website certainly offers diversity in all its forms: from young to old, blondes to brunettes, and rough Aberdonians to women hailing from far flung parts of the European Union (this week has seen a sharp rise in the Eurovision rejects looking for success in other areas).

Shockingly, the website actually offers clients the opportunity to review their super-happy-fun time  for the world to behold; if you want to know how saucy “Hot Cristal” is in the sack, then Escort Scotland will happily provide you with a review from a freak who has fucked and typed.

Most prominent of these reviewers is a presumable baldy pervert who enjoys 69ing, known to his friends as ‘baldy69’.

Well, this fucking lunatic has provided 27 of the entire 614 reviews on Escort Scotland, so we presume he either lives in his mother’s basement or killed her long ago and lives there anyway.

In a twist of dark irony, next to these debasing reviews is an advert quipping “Don’t close your eyes to human trafficking”… How fucking moral from a website which allows baldy69 to rendezvous with a transsexual and type up a review later that day.

What initially appears merely to be a modernisation of the world’s oldest industry is rather a new means of exploiting women from behind the veil of anonymous names.

Turn to Escort Scotland if you are a pervert scumbag through and through. Stick to Tinder if you’re merely a lukewarm scumbag pervert.