Lying, cheating and sleeping with exes: You confessed your snakiest stories

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Lying, cheating and sleeping with exes: You confessed your snakiest stories

You’re all awful human beings

We all know a snake. You live in fear that they’ll screenshot your messages, steal your boyfriend or just ruin your life in any way possible. But what about when the snake is you? Stealing girlfriends, photoshopping people to look fat, hiding keys under the sofa for three days – you told us the snakiest things you’ve done.

Amy

I went out with this guy for a while, and the breakup was pretty awful. So when he got a new girlfriend, still not over it, I decided to befriend her. Over time, we bonded over all this random bullshit and by gaining her trust I managed to gradually turn her against him. It completely worked – eventually they broke up and he came running back to me. But instead of taking him back, I turned him down and slept with his best friend. Oops.

Sophie

My friend Poppy told me in secrecy that she was really into this guy, Harry. It looked like he was really into her too – they were talking on the phone every day, and he was so hot.  I hadn’t been seeing anyone for a while,  and Poppy had been kind of pissing me off at the time. Me and her always had a bit of rivalry and competition when it came to boys, so I was surprised she was trusting me enough to tell me about Harry. Big mistake. So the next day, I stole Harry’s number from her phone. I started talking to him, and then it was me and Harry talking every day. I flirted like hell, started turning him against Poppy (told him loads of nasty stories about her, victimised myself obviously) and he really, really liked me. He asked me out, so I did the right thing and asked her permission to go out with him, knowing she couldn’t say no. I told her how sorry I was, but I didn’t mean to fall for him so hard, and it would be cruel of her to stand in the way of true love. I broke up with him a month after because he grew a moustache and I didn’t fancy him any more. Poppy still fancied him of course, but because we’d already gone out he was off limits. Oh dear, what a shame.

Ollie

So I was best friends with someone I fancied at uni for ages. I really liked him, he was so pretty, we got on well but he just didn’t like me back – and this annoyed me. One night when he got with me to make someone else jealous, I felt used and pissed off. So the next night out I was on without him, I so happened to be with his ex. I slept with his ex that night. I was confronted about it a week later being like “why didn’t you tell me?” my only response was: “stop using me to make other people jealous.” He now knew how it felt. I love me.

Sammy

I recently got photoshop on my computer,  so have been trying to subtly retouch myself in all of my photos I put on Facebook. Just little things that no one will notice – blurring out any blemishes, brightening my teeth, slimming my waist down. I do it in group shots too, and I know this is selfish, but I only do it for myself. The worst thing is though, that sometimes when my mate pisses me off, I actually retouch pictures of us together to make me slimmer and her to look fatter. Not enough for her to know I’ve done it, just enough for people to notice she’s put on a few pounds.

Alex

My housemate loves to play loud trap music and smoke in the house, even after my repeated cries of anguish. As a small act of vengeance I like to, on occasion, throw away minor possessions of hers. For example, pouches of tobacco, the odd toothbrush, a single sock, and even the odd pint of milk. Hiding her keys under the sofa for three days before “finding” them was a personal favourite of mine.

Ollie

So I was best friends with someone I fancied at uni for ages. I really liked him, he was so pretty, we got on well but he just didn’t like me back – and this annoyed me. One night when he got with me to make someone else jealous, I felt used and pissed off. So the next night out I was on without him, I so happened to be with his ex. I slept with his ex that night. I was confronted about it a week later being like “why didn’t you tell me?” my only response was: “stop using me to make other people jealous.” He now knew how it felt. I love me.

Phoebe

In third year my room was above the kitchen and my housemates would always come back and have really loud post-parties with these huge speakers we had. I hid the phone connector cable for like two months and then secretly hid it in a drawer and “pretended” to find it when people were moving out.

Mark

I was seeing a girl called Ellie, who really liked me and was really nice. I could tell she wanted things to be more serious than I did, and I was also kind of sleeping with a girl called Laura. I had solid plans for Ellie to sleep over on the Tuesday, which we’d organised a while ago. But last minute, me and Laura made really loose plans to meet on the Monday night. I wouldn’t want to have sex with them both within 24 hours, but knowing mine and Laura’s night might not even happen, I was hesitant to cancel on Ellie. So, I started texting her a few days before pretending I’d got this really contagious illness. Laura ended up staying over on the Monday, and we slept together. As I was lying in bed with Laura the next morning, Ellie texted asking if we were still on for that evening. I said the illness had got even worse and we should take a rain-check. She was so sweet and even offered to come over to look after me, but I pretended it was so contagious it wouldn’t be worth the risk. I’m still seeing both of them now, oops.

Miranda

I’d fancied my friend Lauren’s boyfriend the whole time they were together, but obviously nothing was ever going to happen. To everyone’s surprise, Lauren and her boyfriend broke up over summer before third year, but because we were all one huge friendship group we still all hung out together and we’d go on loads of nights out as a group. Even though Lauren was there, I’d flirt loads with her ex and if anyone noticed, we’d get away with it saying we were really drunk but nothing would ever happen because Lauren was there and it would upset her too much. Anyways, a month or so later, Lauren went home for birthday so obviously, I moved in and got with her ex.

Harry

One of my friends is a huge clean freak, and when I was staying at his house he legitimately said I wasn’t allowed to get into his bed unless I showered first. He was pissing me off and I thought it was pretty rude, but he wasn’t having any of it. So, when he handed me a towel I went to the shower, turned it on and sat outside while the water ran. I came back into his room, told him how great the shower was and got my un-showered body into his clean sheets.

Sam

I’d always liked this guy at uni, so when we graduated I’d finally managed to spend a night with him. It was obvious he thought we were mates but there was something there and we slept together. It didn’t go anywhere and I was a bit upset. We were really close, and ended up living together after uni. But then my mate slept with him and they started seeing each other. It wasn’t serious but I wasn’t happy. When we went on a girls trip that summer to Thailand, she slept with a few boys but swore us not to tell anyone in case my friend found out. I told him anyway and she didn’t come out with us for about six months.

Tom

I’d invited all my uni mates back to my hometown for a night out. One of the guys was annoyingly obsessed with his Fred Perry shoes. Now, I’m not exaggerating when I say this bloke wore these shoes all the fucking time. I’m sure he slept in them as well. He really loved them. So, the night before when I was drunk – I thought it would be funny to hide one of them in the microwave. The next morning he was stressing out as he couldn’t find them and had to get a train back home for the Christmas holidays. I sat there watching him search the entire house, and let him go home with one shoe on. Sorry Davide.

Beth

I was seeing someone in first year and he was a bit of a fuckboy. Let’s call him Sam. I liked Sam but it was clear he was messing me about. He often said to me “you’re single, do what you want”, so I thought “you know what, maybe I will.” I slept with his best friend. Multiple times. There was one point when things were going really well with Sam, and typically he sacked me off. So, that week I went to visit his best mate. It just so happened that Sam was also visiting that week. Queue the awkward crossover where where we both stayed at his mates house, and obviously I slept in his room while Sam got the sofa. He was not happy, and I did not give a fuck.

Sarah

In second year I used to have major pass-ag beef with one of my housemates and every time she pissed me off I used to secretly use all her stuff. Just shampoo and shit, but I’d use unnecessary amounts. A small thing, but it was really satisfying at the time.