Questions guaranteed to annoy a politics student

Studying politics for many is an intriguing journey of discovering new ways of thinking about the world that we live in, through the eyes of greats such as Hobbes and Marx and debating the political intricacies of world issue. But then the experience is ruined by these fucking stupid questions.

Do you just want to be a politician then?

This question, admittedly, probably isn’t that stupid, it is quite logical for the next step after graduation for a politics student to follow a career path as a politician, the stupid part comes in the reaction when the response is, “No, I don’t”, which is met with, “Why the fuck are you studying it then?”

Well why not? After the realisation that politics is mainly for Etonian, middle-class men who partake in questionable initiation ceremonies in order to be accepted as ‘one of them’, who are then looked upon with disdain by a majority of the country and have has their opinions shaped by which ever whip you have to take then politics seems like a great thing to get into.

A wise man once said “those who study politics do not go into politics, because they are put off by it, instead they leave it to the business men who do not understand politics”.

What’s your opinion on…?

Usually asked by a taxi driver on your way back from a night out. Despite studying the subject, we may not be experts on everything happening all of the time, we are only interested in certain topic, so we may not know the answer to the question of whether the UK should continue to fight over the Falkland Islands or neither do we possibly care. It would be like asking said taxi driver why he thinks train prices are so expensive because he work in the transport industry, he probably doesn’t care.

Inevitably, when this question is asked, it only has one inevitable response- “I’m not racist but…”. So it doesn’t matter what our opinion is in the end, it always seems to be the immigrants’ fault. Junior doctors strike? Immigrants. North Korea nuclear tests? Immigrants. Mars bars getting smaller? Immigrants. Our opinion doesn’t matter in the end.

Why did this thing happen?

We don’t know, mind-reading of politicians 600 miles away isn’t part of the course. I may as well point you towards a man on the other side of the street and ask you to tell me why he just crossed the road, your guess is as good as mine.

Did you watch Question Time last night?

As much as we appreciate any moment that David Dimbleby is on our TV screens, Question Time is enjoyable in the same way that getting kicked in the shins repeatedly is enjoyable. If we were to enjoy five people shouting nonsensically over the top of each other for an hour while an old man tries to maintain order, we would go down the pub and would probably learn more at the pub. Probably something about immigrants.

Do you watch House of Cards?

Yes, it’s fantastic. Next question.

I don’t know what to vote, can you tell me?

You are really missing the point here, aren’t you? We don’t know what you should vote, that is supposed to be up to your independent mind and after this twenty minute conversation about how people in politics can’t think for themselves, you’re now asking me what to do. Despite what you think, we don’t know Leviathan back to front nor can we recite the Communist Manifesto line for line so couldn’t tell you who you should vote for because you think your bins should be emptied on a Thursday.

Go and read a newspaper and make up your own mind.

You’ll just be another… won’t you?

When the previous question of “do you want to be a politician?” is answered with yes then the next assumption is on who you will inevitably become because none of us have a sense of identity. If you are Scottish and male you will branded as another Alex Salmond, making the assumption that all Scottish men are English-hating, obnoxious, unlikeable and have a tendency for shouting loudly at people who don’t agree with you and who will fail at achieving the biggest goal of their political career. Can’t wait.

Women are usually asked if they will just be another Margaret Thatcher, highlighting the basic political knowledge of people that the only person they could remember as an inspirational woman is Maggie. The assumption being that the women being asked this question will have a dislike of the working class, closing down any hope of a job anyone has and being possibly one of the most hated women in British history. Yes, we’d love to be her