A psychosexual therapist tells us why we cry after sex

Whether you admit to it or not, crying after sex is something many people experience. Are we just feeling emotional, or is it something hormonal?

We asked Denise Knowles, a psychosexual therapist with over 25 years experience, why we sometimes cry after sex.

Denise admitted that for some people, as you would expect, they cry after sex “because it’s not so good.”

However, she said: “For many [they cry] when they have orgasmed” because “when [the sex] comes to an end that sense of closeness, happiness and contentment is over.”

There’s a scientific reason behind this too.  Denise explained that during sex, feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and dopamine are released.  Then, once the sex is over the levels of these hormones drop and “this can make you feel sad.”

So are they happy tears or sad tears? Apparently they’re a mixture of both.  She said that “it’s not so much about it being sad tears, it’s just about feeling like ‘we’ve been really close and I’m sad that it’s over’, the concern is ‘when am I ever going to be that close to my partner again’?”

Although she warns “for some men it can be quite confusing” when the woman they think they’ve had great sex with bursts into tears, that ultimately crying after sex can be beneficial to a relationship.

“As long as each of you understand what the tears are about and you’re talking about it, it can be good.”

In conclusion, if someone cries after you’ve had sex with them, you should probably be flattered.  As long as you’re in a healthy and respectful relationship, crying after sex is simply a natural chemical reaction to your pleasure-hormone levels dropping.

So next time you feel a bit weepy after sex, don’t worry: it’s just your hormones and there’s nothing weird about it at all.